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“Which means…” I let the sentence hang there, doing my best to look at Sirius and not my faulty heart on display.
Sirius waves his hands, and the gold light disappears. I sit up, letting my legs dangle off the edge of the table as he turns to the tray of vials and herbs Quest brought over to him. He hands me a small glass jar, a crushed herb and powder mixture lining the bottom. I immediately throw back the contents, swallowing down the slightly sweet substance before taking the offered water from Quest and sip.
“It means more attacks,” he says plainly, if not a little disappointed. I can understand why, he’s the most powerful sorcerer the continent has ever known—even the Collector gives him a wide berth in the hopes he’ll always remain loyal to him and answer the call to fight if asked. I’m not sure Sirius would, if the Collector gave him an order, but I certainly hope I’ll never to find out.
Since meeting, he’s been stumped on why he can’t cure me. And he’s tried,manytimes. Some methods painful, others pointless. The only thing he’s managed to do is create my medication, the sweet powder that helps calm my heart during an attack, helps it slow enough to not take the wrong, traitorous pathways that work against me. It’s also laced with healing properties that help when the threat of starvation leaves me weak or if I happen to come across any silver. He gives me the concoction in exchange for rare plants or stones I come acrossduring my constant travels. Tonight, I hand him an orchid from my satchel that has healing properties and only blooms for a few short weeks in Riverthorne’s forests. Quest takes it from him, moving to secure it in one of his many glass jars.
“More attacks,” I finally say. Brilliant. “Will that Orchid buy me a double supply this time?” I ask. “It might be a while before I can make it back to Destowne.”
He pauses as he mixes the medication, casting a curious glance over me. “Why are you traveling with two drifters, Livana?”
“They’re good lays,” I offer, and he shakes his head, returning to his work.
“The silver-haired one is quite…delectable,” Quest says from where she waits next to Sirius, and his head snaps to her. “What?” she asks innocently. “He is.”
Sirius looks like he might strike Zev down for Quest’s comment alone, so I hurry to add, “They’re both delectable,” I say, laughing with Quest. “But they’re a means to an end.”
“Who’s end?” Sirius asks, waving his hands over the collection of vials he’s filled with all manner of powders, herbs, and minerals. Colorful gold light sparks over the medication, enhancing it with magic before he seals the corks.
“Does it matter?” I ask, taking the offered vials and carefully placing them in my satchel. I’m half surprised Zev let me continue to carry my own things, certain he’d take it away just to punish me some more, but he didn’t. He’s either that confident I won’t run or that he’ll catch me. Either way, it’s a small comfort.
“You’re starving,” Sirius says, motioning to what has to be a dusting of purple beneath my eyes.
“You’re right,” I say. “As always.”
“Why do you keep doing that to yourself?” Quest asks. “You could stay here. There are plenty of mortal donors who couldhelp. I daresay a few non-mortals who would be amiable to the idea. And we have space for a new dancer?—”
“I appreciate the offer,” I say, not for the first time as she paints a beautiful picture for me. “But you know me,” I say. “I live for the road.”
Not a lie. I do love to travel, but it’s more out of a necessity for everyone else’s safety than a need to discover new territories.
And soon, it’ll all be over.
My lifelong journey for strength and power to do what I need to do is here, only a few weeks away. I doubt I’ll survive it, but there will be peace in knowing I’ll leave this world better off than I came into it.
There is relief in that notion, that certainty, even if there is just as much fear of the unknown.
Sirius looks at me like he doesn’t believe a word I’m saying, but he often looks at me like that so it’s easy to disregard.
I hop off the table, returning Quest’s hug before Sirius walks me toward the doorway. “How long?” I ask as his hand lingers on the handle.
“You know I can’t answer that,” he says. “Your condition isn’t rapidly progressing, but if the attacks get more violent…” He shrugs.
We’ve been over it before.
If my heart continues to shift, continues to take the wrong pathways and beat out of rhythm, it will slowly shut down my nervous system—oxygen, blood, brain function, all of it. Not even my special combination of power can stop it.
“Any advice?” I ask as he opens the door.
Jagger sits up a little straighter, the guards having allowed him beyond the ropes to wait on one of the lush couches in Sirius’s private section of the tavern.
“Feed,” Sirius answers, a hint of hope in his voice. “Often. And from powerful creatures,” he says, casting a quick glancetoward Jagger. “The more powerful the better. It’s in the blood, Livana. I’ve told you before. Animal blood barely sustains you, let alone the distanced desire of an audience.” He lowers his voice, his hands on my shoulders as he turns me, keeping our conversation private. “You need physical contact as well as powerful blood. If you did those two things more often, we might see a vast improvement. If you had someone toLinkwith you?—”
“No,” I cut him off. “That’s not an option.”
Disappointment shapes his face.
“But,” I say, swallowing hard. “I’ll try.” Not the Linking part, that way leads to disaster, but the powerful blood part. I need all the help I can get before I make it to Lingate. “I will. I promise. Just…not enough to Link.”
