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“Bohai has been here every day this week,” Kang observed. “I wonder if all is well.”
Empress Lihua rarely left her bed these days, but when she did, she moved slowly and cradled her belly with tender care, so as not to jostle the baby.Foolish,Xifeng thought,for when the child comes, the world will hurt her anyway.Unless she was born strong enough to resist the pain, like Xifeng.
“I hope for her sake it’s a girl. It’s nothing to me, of course,” Kang said quickly. “It just seems a shame to suffer so for only a boy.”
“Onlya boy. Do you know how many women would kill foronlyaboy?” Xifeng watched Bohai disappear into the royal apartments. “A boy means safety, security, and respect for the queen who bears him.”
A daughter would be wasted on the Empress, who was too soft and gentle and knew nothing of the struggle to survive. She would teach a girl useless things like the names of the flowers and the fables of the stars, or how to love the light of the lanterns. All of that power and influence she could wield as the mother of three royal sons, and she chose to use none of it.
“Anyone would be content in her position. She’s fulfilled her duty by providing heirs, and now that her sons are grown, she could focus on herself and on making the Emperor happy. He would never have to turn to another woman.” She paused, realizing the irony in her words. She had hated Lady Sun, once, for turning the Emperor’s head and hurting Empress Lihua. And now Xifeng walked the same thin line.No,she told herself.Not quite the same.
“How is His Majesty? I see his gifts have only grown more expensive.”
Xifeng glanced sideways at him. “Yesterday, it was a barbarian’s fiddle, one of only two made from a pine tree that grows in the Mountains of Enlightenment. The day before, it was a tin of flower tea from the Summer Isles he thought I’d enjoy.”
Despite the chill air, the eunuch fluttered his fan in delight. “Don’t forget that beautiful silk robe and those glass flowers. And, of course, your freedom.” It had pleased him to no end that Xifeng, like the Empress and concubines, could now leave the city of women whenever she wished as long as she brought her eunuchs for protection. “But what about that friend of yours?”
“What about him?” Xifeng snapped.
She woke each morning with the reality of Wei, no matter how hard she tried to steel herself against the pain. She had loved him and shehad forsaken him. He had fulfilled his usefulness to her and it was time to let him go. Jun was her future, not some childhood lover who could no more take her to her fate than he could to the stars. But as frequently as she reminded herself of this, it still hurt that she hadn’t heard from Wei in months. Her budding romance with the Emperor was common knowledge by now, and Wei had to know as everyone else did.
She took Kang’s arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to speak so sharply.”
“Never apologize to me. You are above that. I only mentioned him because a message arrived from him today.” He pulled a scroll from his sleeve and handed it to her.
Xifeng accepted it with mingled dread and relief and read the short message:Meet me in the gardens tonight.There were no words of love—only one terse sentence.
“How he must despise me,” she murmured, thinking of the last time they had been together in those gardens. “You don’t blame me like he does, do you?”
“For seeking a better future for yourself?” The eunuch shook his head. “It may be best not to go tonight or to see him anymore, Xifeng. You are too high above him now.”
“This was his greatest fear,” she said quietly. “He wanted to hide and protect me.”
“Then you know you’ve made the right choice. There is only opportunity, and those too afraid to grasp it for themselves. Don’t let them weigh down your wings.”
Hideki had once described the Imperial Court as a sand pit. Xifeng supposed it was still an apt description, but what he hadn’t known was that climbing the pit was simple. All one had to do was let the spikes emerge... allow long, lethal thorns to burst from the skin. One had tostab into others and climb over them, slick with blood, because the sun shone at the top, and that was all that mattered in this sick and lonely life.
Xifeng tucked the scroll into her own robes. Kang was right; she was out of Wei’s reach now. Still, she couldn’t help longing to see him, and she decided to go, to assure herself he was well and happy. It was what she owed to a childhood friend; that was all.
They walked past the half-frozen pond and Xifeng caught sight of her reflection warming the chilly waters with shades of black and ruby. She paused to admire herself.
“Not even you are immune to your own charms.”
Xifeng smiled archly at him. “If my beauty is my greatest weapon, vanity is the shield that protects me.”
Kang simpered and raised both hands, showing he passed no judgment, and she turned back to her reflection. Looking as she did, no man would resist her or choose another to love. She would not fail where Guma and Mingzhu had. They had let Long slip away with their self-pity and frail spirit, and even Empress Lihua had tolerated her husband having other “wives.”
“I will never tolerate a concubine,” she told her exquisite reflection. “My husband might please himself however he chooses, but I will be the only wife and consort, queen above all.”
She knew her own worth. She would seize her destiny with all the strength and spirit within her, and bend them all to her will: every man kneeling and every woman overshadowed.
Xifeng lifted her face to the sun, its warmth like a promise on her skin.
Xifeng wrapped her fur-lined, plum silk robe tightly around herself as she strode through the tunnels with Kang and three other eunuchs in tow. In the musty passage, she detected the heat of the hot springs and felt a tug of longing. Perhaps she ought to try conjuring Guma once more. Despite the harsh words they’d exchanged, Xifeng had tried to reach her several times since that night, longing for her advice. She had even sent money and a few of Jun’s gifts to the village at great expense. But no matter how much incense she used or how many presents she delivered, there was no response from Guma.
Later,she told herself.
First, she had to find out why Wei wanted to meet tonight.
