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Kane wasn’t around, and I no longer had to watch over my shoulder. I didn’t have to worry about whether it would be worse the next time. I didn’t have bile creeping up the back of my throat when day turned to night, and the monsters came out to play.
Since I doubted Lip would be on the beach today, and I didn’t know anyone else who could fulfill my obsession with the little white powder, I determined I’d move on with the next best thing.
Him.
That afternoon, I’d do group therapy instead of the rest of my list with Ro. Just to give me more time to think. I’d eat dinner with Shawn again, giving him enough juicy details to suffice, and then I would make a decision on what to do next.
He wasn’t giving me enough of a fix. We could tango around and play games—him finger-fucking me or me blowing him—but I needed more. I craved more. I wanted to know what he felt like inside me.
I wanted to unleash the demon hiding beneath the surface. I knew Ro held back with me, and I wasn’t afraid to ask for it all.
The games we played were dangerous, and I shouldn’t have enjoyed hating her as much as I did. It was killing me, and I wanted more.
I was officially a sick fuck, holding her head against me almost underwater until she nearly drowned. It’s not like I wanted her to drown, but the power it gave me over her invoked a high.
I watched her walk away from the pool and smiled in satisfaction. She thought she was the one in charge, but we were playing tug of war, and I was winning. I was becoming obsessed with her, needing her submission and devotion.
Obsession was shaky ground for people like us. But that was what was happening.
I wondered if I should come clean to my superior and tell them we’d known each other in a past life and walk away. To give her a chance at something normal. To give me a chance not to fuck her up any more than she clearly was, but I was too damn selfish to follow through.
It was already too late.
After I left the pool, I’d spent the next couple of hours working with the other residents of the house. By some miracle, Wren had chosen to go to therapy instead of our activities the rest of the day. I guess shoving my dick in her mouth was helpful after all. She was avoiding me, and even though I hated it, I knew it was best.
Orange House had a continual flux of people coming and leaving. This week, we had two more new patients coming and one leaving. I wrote up the discharge papers and instructions for a few people, and time flew by as I spent an afternoon without Wren underfoot.
When things settled down, though, my mind went right back to Wren. Some part of me wondered if I was attaching myself to her so quickly because she was a replacement for what I had lost when I moved to Florida. I had gained a lot of freedom and serenity, but I had lost a sibling. For as much as I resented Kane, he was still all I had growing up. Our Sunday phone calls were how I hung on without being close.
I didn’t hang out with other people much in Florida. Sometimes I hung out with Lip, but I usually never sought the company of women. If I wanted sex, needed sex, I could find anyone, anywhere, but I sure as shit didn’t want anything long term or even close to resembling a relationship.It was why I avoided being with the same woman twice.
Another way Wren was an exception. With my fingers inside her and her mouth around my dick, you’d think I would be done, satisfied. Over her.
But I wasn’t even close to being there yet.
Some sick part of me was even upset that Kane was there first. I knew it wasn’t rational to feel that way. What Kane had done to Wren was wrong and without consent, but knowing he still had a piece of himself inside her spiked uneasy jealousy in my gut.
Fuck, I was demented. Wren needed to be a means to an end, but I couldn’t help but want more time to work some things out with her. Was it the guilt I felt over what had happened? Maybe in some sick, twisted way, this was me letting Wren get some sort of payback for all the times I had failed to run to her rescue.
No. I shook my head. That wasn’t it. It was the mind fuck of forced proximity and having her here after all these years. It was her gorgeous legs, her sexy mouth. Her willingness to dive below the surface of what we were supposed to be. I might have gotten my shit together on the outside, but on the inside, I got just as much of a rush as she did by being with her and knowing how wrong and dirty it was.
After I finished up my routines for the day, I made my way back to my room. When I passed the living room, I caught sight of Wren hanging out with Shawn on the couch. Another thread of jealousy crawled up my spine, and I wanted nothing more than to walk over and slam Shawn through the large bay window.
I didn’t understand her fascination with Shawn. Was she using Shawn like she was using me? Were they intimate? Visions of her giving Shawn the same treatment I’d received earlier flashed through my mind, and my fists clenched at my sides.
I stayed a minute and watched them, observing the way they interacted with each other. Wren was cozied up to Shawn’s side on the couch, and they were talking about who knows what. I wanted to sneak in closer, but I also didn’t want to get caught eavesdropping. Wren would have a field day if she caught me being too curious about her and Shawn. She would eat me alive. I wasn’t giving her an ounce of ammunition.
Before he could walk away, Shawn leaned over and kissed Wren’s cheek. I had to physically restrain myself from walking over there, so I walked away instead.
Quickly.
Fuck. My mind swarmed with so many thoughts I was dizzy and disoriented. It was amazing I got any work done at all. Maybe it was best if I stuck to Wren all day because at least she knew I was wild. I could be as crazed as I wanted to be in front of her because she was just as fucked up.
When I got to my room, I realized I left in such a hurry that I wasn’t discreet. There was a chance Shawn and Wren saw me, and there was a chance they saw the fit I was close to having.
Fuck it. I didn’t care if she saw me or noticed the way my feet hit the tile as I stomped by. There was a pressure in my chest, a push and a pull, and I was tired of my mind trying to rationalize how I was feeling and what it all meant.
My mission was to take a nap before dinner to clear my mind. But I couldn’t seem to shut down my brain long enough when I closed my eyes. A reel of memories and emotions wavered within. Some weren’t even memories; some were fantasies about what I wanted to do to Wren.
