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What isupwith Amber?
—
I’m on dinner break in the back when Patty pokes her head in from the kitchen and says, “Your friend is here. The nice one.” She doesn’t like Kristen, either, so I’m guessing she’s talking about Amber or Cherie.
I take my plate of cheese fries out front, where Amber is sitting at the last window on the right, tucked away in the corner. She’s rubbing her hands together and looks upset.
“Hey,” I say, sliding into the booth across from her. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch you earlier. Everything okay?”
She’s quiet.
“Amber? What’s wrong?”
“You look like shit, you know that?” There’s an unfamiliar edge to her voice.
“I’m sorry,what?”
“Do you not even remember?” She looks up. Her eyes are glossy, like she’s trying not to cry, but they’re also…kind ofmad.
“What? What are you talking about?” The cheese fries feel very heavy in my mouth all of a sudden. I swallow them in one lump.
“I’m so sick of this, Bella. I’m just so tired of it.” She picks some green polish from her nails.
“Amber, whatever it is I did, I’msorry.Just tell me what I did.”
What could I have done? I didn’t evenseeher yesterday. I’m struggling to think of why she’s so upset and why she had to call me three times in the middle of the night. I mean, I couldn’t answer. I was sleeping, for god’s sake.
“Did I say something to you?” I start scrolling through our texts, looking for any place I might have offended her. “Whatever it was, I’m sorry, Amber.”
The words of our texts whiz by my eyes, but there’s something else, something eating away at a far corner of my brain. What Ricci said. About me having a nightmare. Dylan. Letters. I don’t remember that. That didn’t happen.
Didit? I was just readingWildand I fell asleep and—
Amber pushes my phone down.
“You called me last night, like, at three-thirty in the morning. I could barely understand you, you were mumbling and crying about Dylan.” She pauses. “You were drunk, Bella.Again.”
My stomach drops. I wipe my mouth with a napkin and then fold it carefully into a tiny square, hold it in one fist. I have to think fast, defuse this situation.
“I was really tired. I don’t…honestly, I don’t remember, and I’m sorry. I just…I don’t know. Ricci said I had anightmare or something. Maybe I called you in my sleep. I was sleeptalking! Get it? Like sleepwalking?”
I laugh, like it’s a joke, but I feel kind of sick.
Amber’s eyes are on the table. “You said you were cracking. That there would be blood. Do you understand how freaked out that made me? I almost called your dad.”
I can feel my face drain and my blood run cold. I don’t…I don’t think I remember that. Do I? I felt unsettled when I woke up, my stomach messy. I had too much. A little too much, but I made it into bed, except for that thing with my chin, and I tried to read, and then I just fell asleep. Or I thought I did.
It’s like it was at Luis’s party, when I flipped out over seeing Dylan with Willow. Where one minute I was doing things and beingthereand then…nothing. And other people had to tell me later about what I was doing during that nothing.
Amber is staring at me.
“I mean, you were at your dad’s, so, like, where did you even get something to drink? Do you go and shoulder-tap when you aren’t with the rest of us? Do you think it’s funny for me to hear you like that? And you’re like that alotlately.”
“Listen,” I say, carefully, trying to squash the panic down inside me. I can feel Patty watching us from the register. I keep my voice low. “I’ve been really stressed and I’m really torn up about Dylan. I’msorry.I know…it seems bad, but…I just need this semester to end and then, I swear, things will be different. I need a break. I’m sorry. I guess I just…I don’t know. I didn’t mean to upset you. I mean, technically, I don’t evenremember,so I don’t know why I’m saying sorry, ha ha.”
“I can’t believe you got that drunk by yourself.” Her voice is flat and sad.
“I’mtired,Amber,” I say defensively, my voice rising slightly.“And I said I wassorry.I can’t control something I can’t even remember.”
