AllFreeNovel
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There are a lot of beaches in this part of the world that I love. But I love this one the most, maybe because it’s so close to my house.
Out here I rarely feel the urge to think out loud. Almost like I want the ocean to do my thinking for me.
I walk and I think, mostly about tomorrow, heading east toward Atlantic Beach, the next one up.
Just me and an ocean perfectly lit as if by a moon shining down on a movie set.
Built for the movie of my so-called life.
I keep walking, taking it all in, beach and water and moon and sky. There’s a point, every single day, when I think the same thing:
This can’t be happening to me when I’m going this good.
I’ve just won the biggest case of my career. I’m in love with Dr. Ben Kalinsky. Really in love, for the first time in my life. I told myself I felt the same before both of my marriages. I realize now I was only kidding myself, as if wishing could have made it so, both times.
I suddenly feel myself smiling, thinking about all the days and nights when I had Rip on this beach with me, walking and running and then walking a little more, watching him get stronger, if not a whole lot faster.
Like he refused to die.
Now it was going to be my turn, a long way from home.
Before I, the only person on this beach tonight, head for the parking lot, I suddenly stop and then I am shouting at the ocean, or maybe God Herself, about just how goddamned much I want to live.
Then I get back into my car and drive past the turn for my house one more time and keep going to the Springs.
I park my car in the driveway and ring the doorbell, remembering the first time I made a trip like this, to this same house.
When Dr. Ben Kalinsky opens the door, I say, “There are some things I need to tell you.”
ELEVEN
WE SPEND THE NIGHT at Ben’s. When we’re in bed he tells me that he’s known about my cancer all along.
“Why didn’t you say something?” I ask.
“Because you were the one who needed to say something.”
“Have I mentioned lately how much I love you?”
He leans over and kisses my hair.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I didn’t quite catch that.”
In the morning he follows me back to my house so he can pick up Rip the dog. Ben offers for about the tenth time to drive me to the airport. I tell him that Brigid has insisted. I’d finally told her about my cancer the night before, having waited as long as I could, aware that she had cancer problems of her own.
When we’re saying good-bye on my porch, he says, “Remember: You’re not allowed to fall for some mysterious stranger with an accent.”
“What if it’s a hunky male nurse feeding me good meds?”
“Well, that’s different,” Dr. Ben says.
“Get out of here before I start crying.”
“Because you’re already missing me?”
“Missing Rip,” I say.
I’m packed and ready to go when Brigid pulls up an hour or so later, after which we begin the two-hour ride to JFK.
