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After a moment, he sighs loudly. “We’ve been in training camps with the team on and off all summer, and technically me and the guys have been back on campus for weeks now since coach talked us into summer classes.” He shrugs again. “I just don’t feel like I’ve had much of a break, you know? I can’t say I’m not happy for the distraction.” He tenses a moment, gaze flicking my way as if he said that by mistake.
When I don’t react, he keeps going.
“The end of the school year was always when I felt like I could breathe a bit. Like whatever was going on was finally over and there was a fresh start. But this summer was…different.” He looks away then, glaring at nothing ahead of us. “I knew last year would be my last real summer. We all talked about it enough, that’s for sure, but man. It hits different when you realize it’s even further from what you expected it to be. It kind of feels like the year that was supposed to fly by just won’t end, you know?” He cuts a quick glance from the corner of his eye.
I swallow, my eyes moving between his, because, man, do I feel that deep in my bones.
Last summer, I was secretly four months pregnant, ran away from home, and found a new one here. I was going to have a baby with my high school boyfriend. Now, that boyfriend is dead, and my son is nearly eight months old.
Chase looks away, and I wonder what caused the obvious ache in his eyes.
Is it just that he is in love with Ari, his best friend’s twin sister who’s now in love with someone else, or is there something more going on he hasn’t shared?
I don’t know, but what I do know is not to ask people questions they clearly don’t want to answer, so I dig into the box once more and light two fresh sparklers, holding his out with a small bow.
“For you, prince of pigskin.”
Chase grins, taking my offering. “Why, thank you, princess of?—”
“Puke?”
Chase looks at me horrified, but when I smile wide, tugging out the bib I forgot I had stuffed in my hoodie pocket, we both end up laughing.
We light a few more, drawing our names in the road with the ends, knowing it will fade into nothing in no time. At some point, we move farther into the bed of the truck, our legs stretched out and heads resting against the window behind us.
The quiet is nice, something I’ve missed amid the crazy but at the same time do my best to avoid because quiet brings peace, peace brings thoughts, and all my thoughts roll together in one giant, spiky lump of regret that seems to live in my gut.
My phone alarm beeps, breaking the comfortable silence we fell into, and I wince as I blindly press the button to cut off the piercing sound.
Chase says nothing, letting me decide if I want to talk about why my alarm is set for twelve a.m. on the dot.
I don’t. I haven’t said a word to anyone about where my mind has been. In fact, I’ve gone to ridiculous lengths to avoid it, so I have no idea why my next words leave my lips. Maybe it’sbecause he didn’t pity me earlier. I don’t know. Still, the truth tumbles out in a voice so low, I scowl.
“This was the last holiday he had. Which makes it my last first holiday without him.” As my whispers settle between us, a huffed sigh slips past my lips. “That probably sounds so dumb. It’s not like I’m an eighty-year-old woman who shared half her life with someone and then lost him.”
“Forty years or four months, it makes no difference.” Chase is frowning at the night when I turn. “It hurts either way.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, staring at his profile. “Love sucks.”
His laughter is low, and slowly, he looks over, his green gaze holding a moment before he reaches out, throwing his arm around my shoulder. “Yeah, princess. It does.”
I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes.
We don’t stay much longer, making it back to my house a lot faster now that the roads are clear and nothing but the crash of the waves can be heard in the distance.
I smile as I pull the handle and climb out, closing the door behind me.
“Hey, Payton?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I meet his gaze through the open window.
“Just so you know,” he begins. “It’s okaynotto be okay…even if it’s not for the reason everyone thinks.”
I hold his gaze a moment and slowly nod. “You know, I think you might be the first person who has ever said that to me.”
“It’s true.”
My mouth curves slightly, and Chase nods back, his truck sitting there idling as I turn and walk away.
