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“You seem very interested in my ass,” I observe dryly.
He shakes his head. “This pity party of yours is getting tiresome, Mick. If you pulled your head out of your… ahh, if you looked up for a damn second, you’d see I’m not doing any better than you.”
I quirk a brow. “Really?” I hate myself for how hopeful I sound. This isn’t Soren’s fault, and I really have no right taking it out on him. I just… I can’t seem to stop.
“Yeah, really,” he confirms. “I just haven’t declared war on the entire world. But if you continue like this, you’ll let her ruin everything.”
Swallowing down my immediate need to lash out, I let his words wash over me and take root in my brain. Okay, I know I’ve behaved like a massive dick. “I’m sorry,” I rasp.
The anger I’m feeling isn’t even real. It’s a shield, masking what’s beneath it—what I’m scared of feeling, which is excitement and hope. Two powerful and scary emotions, emotions I haven’t felt since Simone screwed me over. But now, Gail has awakened the feelings inside me.
Soren just waves me off. “Don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to aim your rage in the right direction.”
“Which is?”
“Our opponents,” he chuckles darkly. “Stop fucking getting into a fight with the people who have your back.”
Yeah, even I can admit that’s a shit thing to do. “Right.”
Soren’s quiet for so long, I actually think he’s about to let it go, but of course I’m not that lucky. “She told me you left your laptop for her to look you up.” My breath hitches. “She did, and she’s fucking worried about you, Mickey.”
“So she knows?” I ask.
I don’t need him to answer. As my gaze flicks to the other end of the arena where I see her sitting slumped, I know my answer. She knows.
“Why didn’t you just tell her?”
Shrugging, I try to tear my gaze away, but I can’t. It’s as though my eyes are held in place by an invisible force, a magnet, refusing to let me look anywhere else. “I couldn’t,” I admit, my voice hoarse from shouting at my teammates.
“I get that, Mick. But now she knows and you’re ignoring her. What’s the fucking point in that?”
That’s a good fucking question.
Since I haven’t been back at Soren’s house, instead staying at mine despite the renovations, I’ve only seen her once, which was here, at the arena. And as soon as we finished practice, I left as quickly as possible.
Soren clasps my shoulder before returning to the goal, ignoring Coach shouting at him for taking a break. Then again, Coach only sounds half-mad, so it’s probably more for show. He knows I’m not acting normal, just like he’s aware that Soren’s my closest friend. Even the old man can see that two plus two equals four.
Since I’m benched, I remain here, watching the rest of the practice unfold. I wish I could just take off, but knowing Coach, he’d just drag my ass back here. When he benches someone, he wants them to know exactly what they’re missing out on, which is why I stay right until the end.
“You better bring a better attitude tomorrow,” Coach shouts at me as we all leave the rink.
I throw him a thumbs up as I hurry to catch up with Peter. I grab his arm, halting him in his steps. “Hey man,” I say.
He spins around. “If you’ve come to say you’re sorry, forget it,” he sneers. “Just promise me you’ll treat our opponents worse than you treat your teammates.” His lips twist up into a wry smile.
I force a smile. “Wouldn’t dream of apologizing to you,” I say. “I just came to say you’re lucky Coach broke it up before you ended up on your ass.”
We walk the rest of the way to the locker room together, continuing to take shots at each other, but it’s clear he isn’t holding a grudge, which does make me feel worse.
In the locker room everyone chimes in, and while we shower and get dressed, it’s almost like a free for all on good-natured insults. Soren is having a go at Sawyer, who, in turn, lays into our right winger. But it’s when Peter starts ripping into a rookie, for thinking he can take Sawyer’s spot as starting forward, that it makes everyone burst out laughing. Even me.
After our shower, Sawyer comes over, already fully dressed. “Anyone want to tell me why Gail’s here?” he asks.
Soren and I answer in unison, “No.”
Sighing, Sawyer shakes his head. “Lucia’s going to fucking castrate me. She’s going crazy and wants to spend time with her, but refuses to come here.”
Right, I can see why having a heart-to-heart here isn’t the best way to go about it. Shit, I still have Gail’s phone, and I’m pretty sure I saw her dad call at some point. Ah hell, I really should give it back to her. After all, I’ve already told her—shown her—my biggest secret, my fear.
