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“Okay,” she said, lowering herself into the chair opposite. “Lay it all out for me.”
So I did. I gave her all the details, holding nothing back. I told her about the conversation between me and Jake at the hoedown. I told her how well things had been going between us. I told her about the moments we’d shared. She knew some of it. Mel is my best friend, and we don’t really keep anything fromeach other. But I wanted her to hear all the details so she could understand and figure out a way to help me.
Then I told her about my job. Going into all the reasons this promotion was important to me, I told her how tough the competition was and that it was a pretty big opportunity. I told her how long I’d been waiting for it, and that I hadn’t expected to get it for some time yet. She already knows how much I love my job. And now, I was being offered a position I would love even more.
When I eventually came to the end, I flopped back against the sofa and looked at her.
“I don’t know what to do, Mel. Do I give up the job to be with Jake? I don’t even know if Jake wants to be with me again. But if I leave now without asking him, am I going to regret it? If I ask him, and he says he doesn’t want me here, I don’t think I can take that kind of rejection.”
For a long time, Mel didn’t say anything. I could see her mind working overtime, and then eventually, she said, “I think you need to give you and Jake a chance. If you don’t, you’ll spend your entire life wondering if it could have worked.”
“But I don’t even know if he feels the same way,” I countered.
Mel gave me a knowing look. “You know he feels something.”
“Sure, but I don’t know for certain. And I don’t want him thinking that I’m giving him an ultimatum. What am I supposed to say?It’s you or the job?I’ve hurt him enough. I just can’t do that to him again.”
“Okay. Well, how about this? You go back to the ranch, and you tell him about the promotion. If he wants you to stay, if he feels for you like you clearly feel for him—which I’m pretty sure he does—he’ll tell you. Right?”
“But I’m still putting him on the spot.”
Mel shook her head. “No. You’re not. Just tell him what you told me about the job. You’re leaving it up to him then.”
It sounded good at the time.
When I went back to the ranch, I was nervous. There was a lot riding on this conversation, and while I knew what I wanted the outcome to be, I was terrified it wasn’t going to work out that way.
Admittedly, that’s why I took the beers with me. I needed something to bolster my nerves. But as I sat there, randomly sipping at my beer and explaining the reason I was going to be heading back to the city, Jake didn’t flinch. I mean, there was no real reaction. Well, actually, that’s not true. He told me he was happy for me.
Somewhere along the way, he asked about Bryan, and when I admitted that he’d left, he seemed relieved. I suppose I should have expected that, but then my mind wondered if his relief was just as much to do with the fact that I no longer needed to be there.
For someone who supposedly feels something for me, like Mel had said, his response was minimal at best. There was no begging me to stay. In fact, he didn’t mention us at all, like none of the moments we had shared ever happened.
Even at the end, when I asked him if we were friends, giving him an opportunity to tell me if he wanted something more, he didn’t take it. I mean, I left the option wide open, but all I got was radio silence. That, and a passing remark about the fact that we’ll always be friends.
I have to wonder if I’ve gone mad. Had I seen things that weren’t there? And what about that kiss? Had it all been for show? There’s no other explanation. I’ll give Jake his due: he played his part more than well. But I suppose I’ve done nothing but cause him trouble since I arrived. He nearly ended up fighting Bryan at the hoedown, and Jake isn’t the fighting type.
Running away from Bryan was supposed to be just that: putting some distance between me and my controlling ex. Butas fate would have it, I upended Jake’s quiet life, his simple existence, injecting my drama into his solace.
So, yes. Maybe he’s glad to see the back of me.
A light knock on the barn door disturbs me from my numbness, and then I hear Mom’s soft voice.
“Tilly.”
“I’m up here.”
My throat is dry and my voice sounds foreign, still loaded with the grief I feel. Because it is grief I’m feeling. I thought there was another chance for me and Jake, and now, for the second time, I’m leaving Baskington without him in my life.
My heart is broken into a million pieces, and there’s not a darn thing I can do about it. Besides, it’s my own fault. I held out hope for another chance at something I destroyed all those years ago.
Karma works in mysterious ways, right?
Mom slowly climbs the stairs, and when she reaches the top, her face crumples.
“Oh, Tilly,” she sighs.
She comes and sits on the bed, and lifting my head up, I lay it back on her lap. Then I feel her hand gently stroking my hair.
