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“Yes,” Jamie says slowly. “I guess I remember that.”
“Cat chased you around the fire and she almost fell in,” I tell him, and understanding dawns on his face immediately, and he smiles.
“She’s so cute,” he says.
“Shut up,” Hunter mutters. “This is about Carter.”
“Anyways, that was the first time Angela and I hooked up.” I plunge on, and tell them how we spent one perfect week together before I left for my internship. “I fucked up,” I tell them. “I knew I was in love with her and I guess I got scared. I was overwhelmed. I had all this stuff I wanted to do, so many more years of school and grad school and work before I got to where I wanted to be, and I guess I thought if we tried to be together thenand there, it would never work, and I’d lose,” I pause and take a deep breath. “I’d lose the love of my life before I even got the chance to really have her.”
They both sit there in stunned silence.
“I can’t believe you hooked up all those years ago,” Hunter says, shaking his head.
“I understand what that feels like, man,” Jamie says after a moment. “To be so scared of ruining something you don’t even try. I was scared to tell Cat how I felt about her for a decade.”
“Thanks,” I say, my hands shaking a bit. “It’s stupid because I ended up losing her anyways. And even if my actions back then are understandable, Angela still got hurt. Badly.” I don’t tell them anymore than that, about how abandoned she felt, or what she told me about other men she dated. That’s her story to tell. “She doesn’t trust me now. Not even after last week.”
“What happened on the island?” Hunter takes a long swig of his beer, as if preparing for me to brush him off.
But I don’t. Instead I say, “I asked her to give me until we were back in Harborview to make things up to her.”
I give them the reader's digest version of our time in the cabin and at Margery’s, including things like our trip with Archie, but leaving out the way she licked whiskey from my neck, and how I had my hands and mouth all over her. Hunter and Jamie aren’t stupid, and I think they understand what I mean when I tell them that by the last night on Isle North, Angela and I were starting to work things out.
“And I don’t know what to do now. She said she’s not sure about me—about how she feels.” My voice cracks on the last words, and I can’t help but get choked up. Fucking hell. My first time talking to my best friends about Angela and I cry. Jamie hands me a tissue silently, and Hunter grabs me another beer.
“She should be sure,” Jamie says. “It sounds like you spent all week making up for things and if she can’t see that you’re sorry then?—
“No,” I say vehemently. “None of this is on Angela.”
“But—
“I know you’re just defending me, Jamie, but not—not everyone is like you and Cat,” I say.
Hunter nods in agreement.
“Not everyone has trust that goes that far back or that deep. Angela doesn’t trust me to stay by her side because in the past, I left. I did that. Not her, me.”
“So what are you going to do?” Hunter asks.
Renewed determination fills me, and an idea starts forming in my head.
“Show her that I’m still here,” I say. “And that I’m not going anywhere.”
26
ANGELA
Good morning, Angel. I hope you have a good day at work.
I stareat my phone dumbly, trying to process the words on the screen. And who they’re from. I take another sip of the large iced coffee I got from Jack’s and read them again. And then again.
What is Carter up to? Why is he texting me good morning like he’s my?—
Nope. Not letting myself finish that thought, because Carter Steel isnotmy boyfriend.
Since getting back to Isle North two days ago, I’ve basically done nothing but work. And it’s been nice, actually. Having space from Carter for the first time in a week has given me the chance to put my head back on straight. Yes, he made me see shooting stars with his hands and mouth. Yes, he made a pretty romantic declaration to me on the boat ride back. But none of that means that he’s going to stick around. Hell, he could be out on a boat right now, sailing to some unknown island to do research on a species of bird I’ve never even heard of, for all I know.
His promises mean nothing.
