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And he, along with the men after him, revealed a basic fact about the world: that I might mean what I say, but that not everyone else does. That I could love and care and burn with the intensity of it, be plagued by the inability to let go, but that the Carter Steels of the world could walk away easily.
I stare at the spot above his shoulder as he heads down the trail in front of me and can’t help but feel resentment: he’s leading and I’m following. And isn’t that how it always goes?
He kissed me, and so I kissed him back.
But it’s not that easy. It can’t be. He doesn’t get to just—to just—haveme when he decides he wants me again.
And the kiss reminded me of how electric it is between us. How good it could have been. And I don’t think it’s one sided between us, so I’ve always wonderedwhy. Why didn’t he keep in touch? Why did things end so quickly between us when we positively combust as soon as one of us so much as lights a match?
Am I delusional?
That kiss says otherwise.
14
CARTER
For the restof the hike back to town, the only thing I can think about is the kiss.
And I’m damn lucky we’re on a trail now because there’s no way I could navigate us in this state. Not when my brain is filled with the following in rapid succession:
Angela’s lips. How soft they were. How they looked pink and wet after I finished kissing her. How they opened for me. Angela’s hair, my hand brushing through it to cradle her head and grip her neck.
Her hips—Christ, herhips. My hands on them. Her body pressing into mine.
And on and on.
But after an hour of walking in silence, I start to worry about why she hasn’t said anything to me. I turn to look at her, to reassure myself that she’s still behind me, and I see that she’s staring at my back with a determined glint in her eyes. She doesn’t acknowledge that I’m looking at her, and hell, maybe she doesn’t even notice, lost in her thoughts as she is.
She’s rebuilding the walls between us. Shoring up her defenses, I’m sure of it. She may have let me in for a moment earlier, and last night her guard was down as well because ofthe whiskey. But I’m not there yet. And maybe I shouldn’t have kissed her. After all, she thinks this is about forgiveness. She doesn’t know that I’m actually hoping this will lead to us being together, for good this time.
I can barely even let myself think it. It doesn’t seem like a plausible reality—one in which she forgives me and wants me and we actually make it work.
But I couldn’t help but kiss her. It wasn’t planned or calculated, but it may well have scared her off.FuckI think. I have less than an hour until we’re back in town, and then who knows. Captain Jones could be waiting for us, if Jamie was able to get in touch with him.
“Should we stop and rest again?” I call out to her, turning back.
“No,” she says. “I want to get back, and I’m finally warm enough to take this off.” She peels it off, revealing her long-sleeved shirt underneath, and giving me a glimpse of the glorious swell of her breasts and the curve of her hip.
I swallow, and force myself to keep my eyes on her face.
“Eyes up here,” she chides softly, and I know she’s caught me.
“Easy enough, Angel,” I say, and I mean it. Focusing on Angela’s sparkling blue eyes and the delicate curve of her cheekbone has never been a hardship, so I just continue to stare.
“Come on,” she says, and takes the lead up the trail.
I can do nothing but follow her through the trees, and watch my fate slip away by the minute.
In another half an hour,the roofs of the small buildings that make up Isle North’s only village come into view. It looks just as peaceful as when we left it two days ago.
“Yeeeeees!” Angela cries out when she spots the town. “Let’s hurry.”
We wind our way down the rest of the trail, hiking downhill slightly, and heading towards the sea. The village is nestled at the base of some cliffs near the water. Angela has a definite pep in her step but all I can feel is anxiety.
This is it. The storm didn’t last long enough for me to get her to forgive me. The last two hours of silence between us proves that.
When we make it to the trailhead, and then back onto Main Street, the village is pretty quiet. It’s only a collection of shops and a few houses, though more are dotted around the island.
