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“When I was speaking with a friend who works there and I mentioned I was thinking of getting back into teaching, he said a vacancy had just opened up. It felt like fate, like it’s what Jace wanted for me.” My bottom lip trembles with the amount of strength I’m using to hold the tears at bay. “Everywhere reminds me of him, you, Cash, work. I need to get away from it all. I think I need time to grieve, on my own Ry.” He walks closer.
“Come here.” I fling myself into Boh’s arms, knocking him back a few steps.
“I don’t want you to leave me, Boh. Not when you’re mad at me.” I cry into him, soaking up his smell and holding him tight.
“I’m not mad. I love you and my brother. I always will. It’s just hard seeing you together. I look at you and I see Jace by your side not Cash. It hurts, that’s all. I’m sorry I have been a dick the last few weeks.” I nod, crying silent tears. I understand it all.
“Can I still call you?” I mumble into his chest.
“Of course. I love you, Ry. Please don’t ever doubt that. You’re another younger sister to me. That will never change.”
“When do you leave.”
“My flight is booked for the day of Jace’s anniversary. I will spend the morning here, and then I’m leaving.”
“Thank you for staying for the anniversary. I will need you.” I glance up at him. “You know you always have me, right? I’ll always be here for you. I will only ever be a phone call away, no matter what the time is.”
He nods down at me. “I know you are, just as I am you.”
My Uber pulls up. I don’t want to let go of Boh.
“Go on.” He tilts his head to the side. “I’ll wait for you to get back.” He smiles. I sigh out in huge relief.
“I want a Bohdi and Rylee day before you leave.” I stick my bottom lip out, and he flicks my bottom lip.
“I could never resist that bottom lip, could I.” He rolls his eyes. “But yes, we will have a Bohdi and Rylee day.” He places a kiss on my head and lets go.
“See you soon,” I say getting in the Uber. Boh waves and stands there watching me pull away. How did I not see it? He’s broke without Jace, and the difference between us is Cash and I had each other. Who does Boh have? He has Bridge, but he doesn’t have someone to hold him at night, he doesn’t have someone to take the pain away from him. He doesn’t have someone to love. I just hope Bohdi can find himself again, and then hopefully, he may meet someone that takes it all away.
Chapter forty-nine
Cash
February
It’sbeenafewweeks since I left the hospital, and for most of it, I haven’t enjoyed the fuss, but I haven’t enjoyed anything all that much. The days seem to blur into each other. The need to drown myself in whiskey every night eats at me. I replay that night over and over. Everything James said is like a constant video playing in my head. Jace’s brother, who was so damaged and fucked up he had to go and ruin all our lives. I wanted to blame Roxy, I wanted to blame her for creating such a monster, for treating him the way she did. Maybe if she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have turned out the way he had. Then I started to blame myself for ever meeting her, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have received the most previous gift to ever exist. How can one woman create an angel and a monster? It makes me think if Jace had continued to see her, would he have been the person he was before he died. I stare down at Jace’s face. His big smile, his shinning blue eyes that stare back at me. I see none of Roxy, and that calms the sickness inside of me. I rub at my chest, the ache that never truly leaves is strong today. My eyes flick between myself and Jace in the picture, it’s rare that I smile in pictures but anytime my son was around, I couldn’t stop smiling.
“One whole year without you, my boy.” I rub my finger over Jace’s face, wishing with everything he was standing in front of me now so I could hold him. Tell him how proud I am to be his dad; how proud I am of the man that he has become. My limbs feel heavier with every second I stare at him. This is the feeling I have felt every day since leaving that hospital. As soon as I arrived home, it was like losing Jace all over again, the pain, the emptiness, the darkness. The only time I ever see light is when Rylee is in my arms. Rylee. The girl who saved me, the girl who belonged to my son. The girl who now belongs to me and I love with every single inch of me. I roll my head back on the sofa, taking my eyes off Jace, and close my eyes.
“Dad, I’ve met someone. I think she’s the one,” Jace breathes out, running his fingers through his hair. I frown and take a seat next to him at my island. “Why do you look so stressed about it?” I question. He peers up at me, and even though he looks stressed, his face lights up.
“Because I’m in deep way too quickly. She takes my breath away.” He laughs. I grab him by the back of his neck, shaking him slightly. “Son, not many women come around and do that for you, you best hold on to that one.”
“Wasn’t you right, son.” I roll my head forward, and Jace’s eyes shine back at me. The stab of guilt sears through me. “I’ll look after our girl, son. I’ll protect her with everything I have,” I choke out as tears blur my vision. “I’ll try love her the way you did. I’ll love her the way she deserves. Just please don’t hate me.” The silent tears leave me as I close my eyes, Jace’s life flashing before me, the day he was born, his first word, his first steps. His first day at school, his graduation, his first day working with me, our arguments in the office, our laughs at the bar after work. I lean forward and pick up the beer off the table, the tears falling faster.
“Cheers, son.” I take a sip of the beer. “I’ll carry you with me forever, Jace. Swim free, my boy,” I whisper out, pressing a kiss to the picture.
“Cash.” Bridge’s voice breaks through her arm circling around my front. “Are you ready?” she whispers. I nod, taking once last look at Jace, and place the picture back on the table.
“I’m ready,” I choke out.
Chapter fifty
Rylee
“Onewholeyearwithoutyou, Jace,” I whisper into the cold breeze stinging my skin. The beach is deserted. It’s the end of February, no one comes here this time of the year. The wind is icy and there are patches of snow on the sand, but how could I not come here today. It’s Jace’s day. The skies are gray, but in the distance, a bit of sun peeks out from behind the clouds. I smile, closing my eyes and raising my face to the sun.
“Hey, Jace,” I whisper. “It’s been one hell of a year.” I open my eyes, squinting at the sun. “I keep questioning how the hell I ever got through it.” I sigh, looking down at the sand, dragging my hands through the ice-cold grains.
