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“Forty-five is not old,” I interjected. “You can call me old when I hit fifty.Maybe.”
Lucas nodded far too enthusiastically before turning back to Ava. “He’s definitely old,” he whispered, and Ava burst out into a full-bellied cackle.
“I canhearyou, Luc,” I said, pointing to my ear. “You’ll be forty-five one day. You know that, right?”
“Will not,” he pouted.
“You will. So will I,” Ava grinned. She leaned in a little closer to him, her gaze snagging on mine as she whispered, “And we’ll be old then.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned.
Footsteps padded down the hall, and what I thought would be Mrs. Henderson popping her head around the corner to announce that dinner was ready morphed into something much, much worse. Grace stepped just barely into the sitting room, her gray hair hanging loosely around her pale face.
“Oh, no. Are the meds not working?” I asked, setting my laptop off to the side and hoisting myself up.
“They are a bit,” she sighed. “I think I might have some kind of stomach bug. I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I can watch Lucas tonight.”
“Please don’t worry about that,” I insisted, but the part of my mind that needed the presence of someone else to keep me from bending to what I wanted with Ava wasscreaming.
“I can watch him if Adrian needs to do some work,” Ava called from behind me. “Do you want us to call the driver back? Maybe you should head home.”
Grace shook her head. “As nice as that sounds, I don’t think I can make it back to the city without coating the inside of the van in sick.”
“You should go lie down, then,” I offered. “Honestly, you deserve to relax anyway. I’ll see if we’ve got anything else that can help you feel better.”
As much as I was more than happy to take the responsibility of my son off her hands, I couldn’t help but dread watching more of Ava’s instinctual playfulness when it came to being with Lucas. They’d meshed the moment they met back at the bottom of the Darkwater building, and every passing second that they spent together seemed to only enhance their closeness.
I knew I should be grateful that he was happy to spend time with her when we’d be here for the next two days. But when I was actively desperate for someone who could do that with him and the person who ticked those boxes was directly in front of me in the form of Ava fucking Riley, it was my worst nightmare.
Keeping her out of my head when she wasn’t around had only becomeslightlyeasier over the passing weeks, and I couldn’t help but fear that seeing this unfold in real time would make everything that much harder.
In order of importance, my requirements went from taking care of Lucas and bonding with him, to someone I could freely enjoy the presence of, to someone who didn’t need to be loved. And I knew Ava only ticked one of those—but it was the most important one. I couldn’t freely be with her even if I wanted to, not with David around.
And she certainly needed, and wanted, to be loved.
Chapter 15
Ava
My reflection in the bathroom mirror stared back at me in fucking horror.
What the fuck are you doing here?
I spat out my toothpaste in the sink and tugged my cardigan closer around my body. It didn’t matter that I was in the exact same set of pajamas I’d walked downstairs in at my dad’s. We were in a completely different situation here. Sleeping in the same place as Adrian, two doors down from his son and at the other end of the hall fromhim, came with its own set of challenges.
I could get through this weekend without caving. Ihadto, for my sanity.
“Do you need anything for your room?”
The sound of his voice had me practically jumping out of my fucking skin.
“Shit, sorry,” he sighed. “It’s the fucking carpet up here. I always forget how quiet it is.”
He stood in the doorway, his hands on either side of the frame, in a plain white T-shirt that clung to the muscles of his chest and flannel pajama pants. From the neckline of his shirt, a pair of rectangular glasses hung down—the ones he’d wornin the car and the living room downstairs while he worked, the ones he’d worn in bed on his sailboat when I’d climbed onto him completely fucking naked and begged him to stay.
God, I hated myself for that.
“Are you all right?” he asked.Shit. I haven’t said anything.
