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“The mobster?”
“Yes. And I know you think it’s dangerous, but despite whatever he does for a living, he’s still Maddie’s father. And I’m sure he loves her. So, if she loves me too, he won’t hurt me. Not permanently. Probably.”
“Jordan...” she starts in that tone that means she’s about to try and talk me out of doing this.
“I know there is a lot of shit up in the air out of my control, but I’m still going, Mom. There’s nothing you can say to change my mind either.”
“Fine,” she huffs. “I…I hope everything works out the way you want it to.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you need any money?”
“No, I’m good. But thank you for offering. And for understanding. I’m sorry I lied to you before, all the times I told you I wasn’t gay after everything happened.”
“Honey…”
“I’m still not sure. I think I like men and women equally, so that would make me bisexual. I’ve known that for years, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself after everything that happened with Darren. It was confusing, and I didn’t want to be with him, but I think I wanted to be with men, so everything was all fucked up in my head.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me, honey. Be with whoever you want. I just wish Darren hadn’t manipulated you into doing things you didn’t want or weren’t ready to try. I hate that son of a bitch so damn much.”
“I know. I do too,” I tell her. “Mostly, I hate that he made me hurt you. Oh, and that he knew me better than I knew myself and used it to take advantage of me. Or at least that was how it felt. I think that’s why I didn’t stop him or tell you, and I’m so sorry.”
“No, Jordan. You do not have anything to apologize for. I do. I never should have let him near you and I’m so damn sorry! You were still just a kid. Now…now, well, you’re all grown up and you can make your own decisions, even if I don’t agree with all of them.”
“Are you saying you don’t agree with the guy part or the Maddie part?”
“Are you sure Maddie is worth the trouble after what she put you through?” she asks, making it clear she would rather I be with a guy than her. “Maybe you should just give this Eli guy a chance first.”
Chuckling, I get up from my chair to go give my mom a hug, and tell her, “I know you’ll probably never like Maddie, but I love her. I think…maybe it’s possible to love more than one person at a time. Hugo’s friend Abel does it, right? So, wish me luck, with EliandMaddie. Please?”
My mother heaves a heavy sigh into my neck, then says, “Good luck. Be safe. Call or text me occasionally just to let meknow you’re still breathing. I know you’ll be…busy and all, but if I don’t hear from you, I’ll imagine the worst. If I get too worried, I may even show up looking for you.”
“I promise to try and give you an update every day. At least every other day until I get back.”
Letting me go, she tips her head to the side and stares up at me. “Do you really think you’ll come back to Rockland if you work things out with Maddie or this Eli guy?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “Will you hate me if I don’t?”
“No, honey. I could never hate you. I’ll miss you and worry about you every second you’re gone, but I could never hate you no matter what you do. Even if you really do marryMaddie.”
“You know, Mom, Maddie never had a mother. And her sisters lost their mothers too, so you may be the closest she ever has to a maternal figure. It would make me really happy if you could try to like her. You know she loves me too, right?”
“Well, now I just feel like a gigantic bitch.”
Laughing I give her one last hug. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, Jordan. Always and forever. Be safe.”
“I will,” I agree. “And tell Colt…tell the Savage Kings that this was my decision, so whatever happens, I don’t want them to get involved, okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees with a wince. “If you’re sure?”
“I’m absolutely sure. It’s time to let the chips fall where they may…”
26
Eli
