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“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“You can call me if you need me. If you have bad dreams, I want to know about it,” he said.
She nodded and gave him a chaste kiss before he headed out the door. This felt so domesticated, almost normal aside from the fact that he was leaving at nearly ten o’clock at night. Lyla didn’t have to ask to know he was dealing with the illegal side of his business.
Lyla went to shower and was in the middle of thoroughly cleaning herself when a thought struck fear into her heart. She wasn’t on birth control. She had the IUD since she was seventeen. Pregnancy wasn’t a worry she ever contemplated and because of Pervert, it was gone. Lyla stumbled out of the shower and found the doctor’s business card. She dialed while she tracked wet footprints over the carpet. The doctor was alarmed at first, but Lyla quickly reassured her that everything was fine. Lyla said she wanted another IUD, but the doctor was out of town and wouldn’t be back until next week. Lyla swallowed her disappointment and made an appointment. She thought of going to another doctor or planned parenthood, but she had no insurance, no ID. Her only choice was to wait until Gavin’s private doctor returned. She didn’t even have money to buy the morning after pill.
She and Gavin never discussed children. Ever. Lyla didn’t even know if he liked children. They were together for years and he never spoke of marriage, so children were completely out of the question. And, did she want children? Deep down, she did. She wanted the white picket fence and she wanted to be a stay at home mother. It was a dream that had seen the light of day with Jonathan, butGavin? Lyla had extremely light periods to the point where she barely noticed them. She had no way of knowing whereshewas in her cycle. Lyla sat on the edge of the bed and put her head between her legs because she felt close to passing out.
Once upon a time, she wanted a child with Gavin. Gavin said he was going to propose on a trip after she discovered his infidelity. Would she have said yes? Lyla had no idea and even now as she imagined a child, a son, that looked just like Gavin her stomach rocked with terror and elation. No. Her life was unstable and her relationship with Gavin, even more so. He wanted her now, but long-term? She wanted to believe that he really cared for her, but she couldn’t be sure. She agreed to stay because her heart wouldn’t let her say no. Gavin was an enigma. There was nothing special about her. She was ordinary in every way. The only difference between her and other women was her relationship with Manny. Lyla still suspected his father was a factor Gavin wouldn’t admit to.
When Lyla could think clearly, she realized that the bedsheets were soaked through. She stripped the sheets off the bed and finished her shower. She found another set of sheets in the hallway closet and remade the bed. Whatever drowsiness she felt vanished. She stomped on towels to absorb the water she tracked around the room and went to the kitchen to do the dishes and sterilize the countertops and floor. When that was finished, she searched for a vacuum.
“What are you doing?”
Lyla jumped and whirled to find Blade standing in the living room with his gun at his side. Lyla turned off the vacuum and gestured vaguely.
“I’m just... cleaning.”
“It’s one in the morning.”
“Oh.” She searched for a plausible explanation and decided on, “I can’t settle.”
Blade cleared his throat as he holstered his weapon. “You want me to call Gavin?”
“No!” When his expression turned suspicious, she waved her hand. “I mean, I-I’m fine. Just keeping busy.”
“He’d want to know.”
“It’s not an issue. I’ll go to sleep now,” she said and began to roll up the cord.
“You want sleeping pills?”
She should have done that hours ago. “Yes, please.”
Blade fetched her sleeping pills. She popped them in her mouth and was very aware of Blade watching her.
“I’m fine. Really. I don’t want to bother him,” she said quietly.
“Anything to do with you isn’t bothering him,” Blade returned.
Lyla gave him a strained smile and climbed the stairs. She slid between the fresh sheets and was glad the pills worked quickly.
***
Despite the pills, Lyla woke around six. The first thing on her mind was the risk of pregnancy. She felt like she had a hangover. She crept downstairs and peeked in Gavin’s office, but he still wasn’t home. Lyla made herself a cup of coffee and paused during her first sip. Pregnant women weren’t supposed to drink coffee, right? Fuck. Lyla felt like pulling herhairout as she rushed upstairs to get her phone. She paced the room as she dialed.
“Hello?” a cautious voice answered.
“Mom?”
“Lyla?”
Lyla’s eyes filled with tears. Her mom was a notoriously early riser. She’d been counting on that. Some things never changed. “Whatcha doing today?” she asked, trying to sound normal.
“Grocery shopping. Baking.”
