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Thankfully, no one listened to him and tried to stop me.
But when I turn my head back to look, I can see Shane and Bass forcibly restraining a wildly irate Neo from chasing after me. He’s mouthing the wordsI love her.
And it breaks my heart.
neo
The sharp,metallic tang of blood fills my mouth, a bitter reminder of the fight I just instigated on the ice. My knuckles sting, throbbing in time with the erratic beat of my heart. In the locker room, the air is thick with tension, the usual camaraderie replaced by a palpable sense of unease.
I’m a mess, a far cry from the focused athlete I once was. My reflection in the mirror is a stranger–bloodshot eyes, a bruised cheek, a spirit broken. I used to find solace in the rhythm of the game, the ice a canvas where I painted my future. Now, it’s just a frozen wasteland, void of the passion that once fueled me.
“You need to get your head in the game, man,” Jack, one of my teammates, says. His voice is laced with disappointment, a mirror of my own self-loathing.
I try to laugh it off, a hollow sound that echoes off the walls. “Even at my worst, my stats will still obliterate yours.”
“Excuse him, Jack,” Bass interjects, shaking his head. “He’s not himself ever since...”
He doesn’t need to finish the sentence. We both know what he’s referring to; ever since Violet walked out of the house and out of my life. The unspoken name hangs in the air like a ghost, a reminder of what I’ve lost.
The worst part is she’s gone.
Like, actually gone.
The winter break is nearly over, she’s still not back, and Kennedy won’t tell me where she’s gone. She’s either at her father’s house or back in Philadelphia. Or maybe she went to visit her ex, Elijah. Just the thought is making me sick to my fucking stomach. I pray that’s not where she is.
I made a spectacle of myself at the house in front of everyone when she left and I wanted to apologize, but I can’t find her. She hasn’t posted anything on social media and she won’t pick up the phone when I call. Instead of worrying, which I was doing at first, now I’m pissed.
This is just mean and Violet’s not usually a mean person.
I turn away, unable to meet Bass’s gaze. “I’m fine,” I lie, the words tasting like ash in my mouth.
But I’m not fine.
Far from it.
Every night, it’s the same routine – a glass of something strong, a futile attempt to drown the memories that haunt me. Violet’s laughter, her smile, the way her eyes lit up when she looked at me. It’s all gone, replaced by a void that I can’t seem to fill.
I thought I could do it. I thought I could protect my parents, chase my dream, and still have her. But what’s a dream without her? A hollow victory.
Coach walks in, his expression grave. “Neo, a word?”
I follow him into his office, and he gets right to the point. He doesn’t mince words. “Your performance is slipping. You’re suddenly drinking now and you’re fighting everyone who dares to call you on it... it’s not acceptable. This is not the behavior of a captain.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be captain.”
“Is that what you want?” Coach challenges. “Because I can make that happen.”
“Maybe you should.”
Coach is right. I’ve become a liability, a shadow of the player I once was.
“You need to sort yourself out,” he continues. “Whether or not you take those pro offers, you can’t keep going down this path. You will self destruct and have nothing.”
I want to scream, to tell him it’s not that simple. That every time I close my eyes, I see her. That every beat of my heart is a reminder of the love I sabotaged with my silence. But I say nothing, the words trapped in my throat like prisoners.
Walking back to the locker room, the weight of my failures feels smothering. I sit down, staring at my hands, the hands that used to hold hers. I barely even notice when Shane approaches.
“Did I ever tell you happened at Christmas?” he casually asks as he sits down on the bench next to me.
