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I dropped onto my back on the hotel bed and let out a long sigh. I felt like I was out of control. Spiraling so fast that I might throw up when I finally came to a stop.
How had my life become whatever the hell this was?
I had been happy once. My fathers were amazing. They loved me and catered to my ever need. Some might think they spoiled me, but that’s not what it was. They loved me. I had two friends who became my foster brothers. Guys I trusted with my life. Who started a band with me, and we became huge stars. I’d hada beautiful boyfriend who’d loved me. Cheered me on when I was down on my life. Supported me. Yet I had fucked that up. I had listened when Ford told me it would be better if I were single. That the fans would appreciate that more. What a load of crap.
All it did was make me angry. I hated the life I was living. I wanted to go back to the younger version of me. The one who didn’t have a care in the world. When I was just a boy who only wanted to see his boyfriend smile.
My heart thumped against my chest, and despite everything, I felt a smile tug at my lips. I thought of the first time I had seen Leo, walking the hallways at school, dressed in a pair of skinny black jeans and a bright blue sweater that hung off his shoulder. He had been talking to one of our classmates, his back to me, but when Leo turned around? That was the moment I had realized I wasn’t straight. Those baby blue orbs that flashed my way, the flush that covered his neck and face, the way his ass had looked in those pants. I came out to my dads that night, and two weeks later, asked Leo out on our first date.
Maybe crashing back into Leo’s life was a terrible idea. He was better off without me. He was thriving with his career, his friends, and maybe he would be happier if I just disappeared again. I shook my head. No, no, that wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t going to let RJ Shepard steal my boyfriend. Or whatever Leo was to me. I stood up again.
I could go talk to Leo. By the time I drove home, he would already be there. I could go over to his place, tell him that I would give up everything for him. That I still loved him. That I thought about him all the time. Yes, yes, I could absolutely do that. I shoved my sneakers on, grabbed my phone, and left the room, hoping that I wasn’t about to make yet another horrible mistake.
***
Leo was still living with his brother Noel and his boyfriends, Wyatt and Seth. I only knew this because of my father. He could be a bit of a gossip at times, but I knew deep down he still wanted Leo and me to be together. He was tough at first, didn’t want me to date or make any hasty decisions at a young age, but now he loved Leo like his own. My father had a big heart despite his icy exterior.
Once I parked the rental car in the driveway and thought about who would answer the door, I almost lost my nerve. Noel, maybe? Wyatt was on a road trip, so I didn’t have to worry about him. Even though he wasn’t as tall as I was, all those years of playing hockey made him bigger and stronger. I didn’t want to fight anyone. I just wanted Leo. I would take my chances with whoever greeted me. I didn’t care.
I shifted from one foot to another as I rang the bell, hoping Leo was alone. What if he wasn’t home? Or if he brought someone home with him. What would I do if Leo had another man in his bed? The thought made me sick.
The sound of the door unlocking caused that horrible thought to disappear, and then he was there.
Beautiful, perfect, Leo.
“Are you kidding? I don’t want to talk to you.” Leo started to shut the door, but I pushed my way inside. “Andy, what the heck!”
I stared in horror as he began to back away from me, his face full of fear. “Ricky, I would never hurt you.” I sank to my knees. “I’m sorry.” I buried my face in my hands as the tears started. Why was I such a mess? Why couldn’t I get it together?
Warm arms suddenly wrapped around me, and Leo’s sweet, cinnamon scent invaded my senses. “Oh, hon,” he whispered, his voice gentle in my ear. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“Andy,” Leo cooed, and when I looked up, my heart thumped loudly in my chest. How was he so beautiful? “Come with me.” He climbed to his feet and held out his hand. When I took it, he smiled. “Let’s get you comfortable.”
I stood up and followed Leo through the house and up the stairs. He had his own room at the end of the hall, and it felt surreal seeing it all again. Colors were splayed all over the walls, bright and vibrant.I remembered the day Seth had painted all of this, how Leo had smudged pink and blue into my hair before he cupped my cheeks with the palm of his hand and told me he wanted to be with me always.
“Ricky.”
I felt sick. I had ruined everything we had. I didn’t deserve a second chance. I stumbled, nearly falling, and shook my head. Why was I such an asshole? Why couldn’t I just man up and tell everyone what I wanted? That Leo was what I wanted?
I felt a hand on my arm. “Come on.”
Leo reached for my hand and laced our fingers together again. I willingly went with him into the bathroom off his room. I glanced around at the sky-blue walls, the seashells, and beach pictures that adorned the room. The ones we had picked out together. God, this just kept getting worse. The memories, the good times. I had ruined them all.
“I can’t do this.” I shoved my hands into my hair. “Ricky, baby, I fucked up. I fucked up, and I am so damn sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I didn’t mean to upset your life again. I only want to see you smile. Your happiness is my happiness, and I just... This was a terrible idea.”
Leo smiled at me as he pulled back the curtain to the bathtub, dropped the mat onto the floor, and turned on the water to begin filling up the tub. Then he stripped off his shirt, his pajama pants and underwear. I stared at his gorgeous body, taking inthe smooth planes of his chest and the way his cock began to fill. God, I missed him.
Leo didn’t say anything as he stepped into the bathtub; he only held out his hand to wave me in. Was this actually happening?
I struggled to tug off my shirt, kicked off my sneakers, and ripped my jeans off. I climbed into the tub in front of him and bit back a moan when he wrapped his arms around me.
“What—”
Leo stopped me with a finger over my lips. I resisted the urge to turn around, to force him to talk to me. Instead, I let Leo scoop water up in his hand and pour it over my head and down my shoulders.
It was, well, rather erotic. Something we would have done when we were together. We had taken showers together but never a bath. I heard Leo squirt shampoo into his hand, then he massaged his nails into my head slowly. I couldn’t stop the whimper that escaped my throat. Tears blurred my vision, and when they slipped down my cheeks, I let them. I didn’t deserve the tenderness Leo was showing me. I didn’t deserve him.
