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Pain—the heartache kind—darkened her beautiful eyes. “I have to help Burl and Bridger preflight the borrowed Airbus. And I have a lot to think about,” she added, almost as an afterthought.
His stomach dropped. He didn’t like the sound of that, not one bit. But he knew better than to push. Kate needed time to process everything that had happened, and he had to respect that, no matter how much it hurt.
45
Less than an hour later,Kate sat in Burl’s tiny office, her exhaustion and stress levels skyrocketing as she tried to maintain a safe distance from Fenn. She focused on watching Bridger land the helo, her eyes glued to the aircraft’s every move.
Bridger executed an excellent touchdown just outside the hangar, although Kate noticed he might have been a little too heavy on the starboard ski. She chided herself for being overly picky. Not many people could even fly a helo in perpetual darkness and subzero temperatures. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of satisfaction knowing her touch on the stick was just a smidge better.
The brief moment of happiness was short-lived, though. She had to tell the team about her past with Hawk. And about the sabotage.
Their relationships would never be the same. She prayed that they wouldn’t see her differently, but in her heart, she knew that wasn’t going to happen.
More heartache. More loss.
Tai’s voice had crackled over the radio before they left the old station, delivering the disappointing news that the sortiewas a bust. There was no sign of Hawk anywhere in the vicinity. And no obvious evidence left behind.
Kate tried not to show her disappointment as Bridger and the guys trudged inside, their faces etched with fatigue and discouragement.
Tai shook his head. “We didn’t find anything useful in the old station.”
“Not surprising, but it was a hope,” Graham sighed, his shoulders slumping.
“Still no communication from Jason,” Bridger added, his brow furrowed with concern.
They decided to head to the tavern for a meal before the place closed in an hour. Another short reprieve.
Kate slipped into a seat next to Paige, feeling a wave of relief when Fenn took the seat on her other side. As they waited for their food to arrive, she took a deep, steadying breath.
Now or never.
“What’s up?” Paige asked. “Shoulder acting up?”
“I wish,” she muttered. “More like something that’s eating at me. Has been for a long time.” She turned to the rest of the team around the table. “I have something I have to confess.”
Her announcement drowned the tired conversation, leaving only the clink of glasses and the scraping of chairs as all eyes turned to her.
Her confession spilled out in fits and starts, her words tripping over each other as if they couldn’t escape her lips fast enough. “The last time I saw Hawk—the last mission we ran together—was about a year before I met you guys. We were in the South China Sea…” Her voice faltered.
She swallowed hard, her gaze dropping to the table. “I thought… I thought I’d left him behind. In enemy hands.” A shudder ran through her. “I’d believed he was captured. The CO ordered me to evacuate, and I just… I left.”
She forced herself to meet every set of eyes around the table. She needed to be certain they heard the worst of it. “I left him to die.”
Fenn’s hand settled on her shoulder, a gentle, steadying presence.
She lifted her head, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I abandoned him. Left him there, at the mercy of our enemies. And it’s haunted me ever since.”
Her shoulders began to shake, the weight of her secret finally breaking free. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She made no move to wipe them away, as if letting them fall was a form of penance.
Fenn’s grip tightened on her shoulder, a silent reminder that she wasn’t alone. But even as the warmth of his touch seeped into her skin, Kate couldn’t shake the cold, hollow feeling that had settled in her chest.
No matter how much time passed, she would never be free of the guilt that clung to her like a second skin. Not even Hawk’s horrible betrayal could erase it.
But the simmering fury did help.
She shook her head. “How could I have been so stupid?”
Paige pulled her into a tight embrace, her arms wrapping around her friend’s trembling form. “Oh, Kate,” she murmured, her voice soft and soothing. “You can’t blame yourself for that. You had no way of knowing.”
