AllFreeNovel
Share Us
And I really don’t want to talk about any of it.
I offer her the standard reply to that question. “I’m as well as can be expected, under the circumstances.”
It’s polite. A sort-of truth spoken from behind a wall.
I have never been this distant with Lulu, and I’m not sure what has changed. I still feel the same amount of affection for my sister, still feel that anything that I share with her would be information given into the strictest of confidences.
I trust her. And yet…
Lulu isn’t my safe person anymore. That person is Ivan.
If I’m upset or struggling, I want Ivan to help me get through it.
This is a natural inevitability of life, graduating from the person who was your childhood safe haven to your spouse, but there is something bittersweet in the realization. I’m sure Lulu feels the same way about Damon. She understands how I feel, probably better than I even do.
A knock comes softly upon the door, and at Lulu’s response, a maid I’ve never seen before pokes her head around the doorjamb. “Dinner is served, ma’am.”
Lulu nods her thanks, and standing, she bends to pick up the baby.
It’s just me, Lulu, and Giorgia at the long dinner table. The polished mahogany…the delicate bone china…the low, genteel lighting…it’s all a reminder of the meals we ate here as a family.
Arguments.
Mother and her liquor.
Father and his decrees.
Angel pushing back at every turn.
It’s so different now. It’s just me, Lulu, and Giorgia. The men do not join us, still busy with whatever ‘surprise’ Damon had arranged for the two of them.
Tonight, Giorgia is beginning to try table food. Lulu cuts up tiny portions of the meal for her, praising her with enthusiasm when she likes something.
As sweet and pleasant as the scene is, uneasiness makes the food taste like dirt. With everything that’s going on, I can’t shake the fear that something awful is happening.
I lower my fork to my plate and study my sister. Yes, there’s a distance between us now, but I don’t think Lulu is capable of mothering so calmly while betraying her only sister.
No, it’s not possible. Ivan is fine.
But I still can’t eat.
Later, Lulu sets Ivan and me up in my old bedroom. It still looks exactly the same, with no dust or evidence that time has passed at all. I walk through my room and run my hand over the furniture and across the spines of my book collection on the bookcase, all too aware that the person I was last time I was here is not the same person who stands here now.
Still, I feel connected to this girl I used to be. I wish I could go back in time and tell her that things are going to work out for her.
It’s late when Ivan finally appears. I dressed for sleep in a silky nightgown and laid down, but I haven’t been asleep.
How could I sleep? I’m not sure I’ll ever truly rest without him again.
When he comes into the room, he’s not wearing the same clothing that he was wearing for the funeral. He’s wearing a sturdy-looking pair of work pants, and a plain, dark shirt tucked in. His face and hands are red, obvious victims of a fresh scrubbing.
He eyes me broodingly as he unbuttons his cuffs and pulls his shirt from his pants, leaving it gaping over his chest. He doesn’t greet me or say anything. He just watches me. It’s unnerving.
“Ivan? Are you—”
I start to rise from the bed but hesitate as he stalks closer. There’s a wildness about his eyes, something that should terrify me. It doesn’t, though.
Ivan places one big palm on my sternum, between my breasts, and pushes. I fall back to the mattress, a willing participant to whatever madness he decrees.
