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“I texted Grace to come until Doc arrives. I thought you’d be more comfortable with a woman… and she’s a nurse,” he says, shifting side to side. “I’ll sit with Mom until Grace can leave you. Will you be okay for a minute until she gets here?”
I want to say no. I want him to stay right here, sitting next to me, talking to me, reassuring me everything is okay.
Of course, he’s not comfortable doing that. Maybe because all I have on is my bra and panties. Or maybe because I’m me. Either way, his old girlfriend—who’s clearly still in love with him—is the last person I want with me right now.
But that’s not what I tell him.
“Yes.” I tell myself to stop there, but my brain has lost control of my mouth. “Hurry back, please.”
My voice is small and vulnerable, reminding me of Bear passed out on my floor after he’d seen me in even less than what I’m wearing now. But my vulnerability has nothing to do with my near-nakedness. I don’t care if Bear sees me.
It’s the thought of him being out of my sight that I hate. I don’t want to lose this feeling of safety. Not when the reality of what could have happened to me if Bear hadn’t shown up is sinking in.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. I’m not going anywhere, Cassie.” He still has his back to me, but his voice is so earnest that I loosen my grip on the edges of the tub and slip deeper into the water.
“Bear! I’m here!” Grace calls from the other room, and Bear’s head swivels in my direction, but he stops himself before he can see me.
“Five minutes. Doc should be here any minute.” He opens the bathroom door, and Grace squeezes by him.
I don’t miss the way she touches his chest or the way he takes her hand and lowers it. What I can’t tell is if he’s returning or rejecting her touch.
“Hey there, Cassie,” Grace says, sitting on the edge of the tub. “What happened? Bear said you fell through the ice? Did you go under the water? How did he get you out?”
I tell her as much as my heart and my chattering teeth allow me, which isn’t much. She doesn’t seem to mind. She fills in the blanks between, “yes, I went under,” and “he pulled me out with a rope.”
“That’s my guy,” she says with an exhale filled with admiration. “Bear is always taking care of everyone. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to talk him into letting me beHeidi’s primary caretaker. He was ready to quit his job and be here full time with her.”
“They’re close?” I ask because I’d rather hear about his relationship with his mom than with Grace.
“Oh yeah,” Grace smiles and nods. “Before Heidi got sick, when Bear and I first started dating, I spent a lot of time with her, too. She’s always wanted Bear and me to end up together.”
The warmer I get, the more tired I grow, but I’m not too tired to recognize that she’s trying to give the impression she and Bear are still a thing. I hear it in the too-high pitch and forced casualness of her voice. There’s fear behind her strained cheerfulness.
The more Grace talks about the two of them, the more certain I am that she’s pretending. Bear’s tenderness toward me during the last hour wasn’t just about worry for my life. There was genuine affection in it. Just like on the night he gave up his apartment and did my laundry.
But the other thing that’s becoming more clear as Grace talks is how different it is to live in a small town where people’s lives stay intertwined, even if they want to disentangle themselves from someone else. In LA, I never run into any of my exes. They’re not still part of my life, and I like it that way.
There’s both comfort and loneliness in being able to walk away. I’m used to carrying both emotions at the same time, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy leaving Paradise to go back to LA. The loneliness is already sinking in, and it feels so much heavier than I remember. I set it down while I was here, spending time with Georgia and the Thomsens, getting to know this town with all its quirky charm, and especially while falling for Bear.
I don’t want to go, but without the bookstore, I don’t have a reason to stay. If I were to get involved with Bear now, we’dboth end up getting hurt when I leave. I’d rather sit with the dull throb of loneliness than the sharp pain of loss and goodbye.
I don’t know how long it takes before Doc Brown arrives, but it’s enough time for Grace to tell me at least three favorite memories involving her, Bear, and Heidi. And she finishes the last one while the doctor examines me, even though she really,reallydoesn’t need to.
By the time she leaves, I have a clearer picture of who Heidi used to be—which I’m grateful for—and also of Grace and Bear’s relationship, which I’m less grateful for. It’s obvious she has feelings for him but also that Bear doesn’t return them like he used to.
But that doesn’t mean he couldn’t. They were good together once, and they could be again. Grace fits in his life in a way I doubt I ever could. She’s already a part of the family.
If Bear is intent on keeping the pond where Heidi taught him to skate, why wouldn’t he also want to be with the woman she wanted him to marry? That’s a much better way to honor his mom’s memory than an ice rink. I don’t know Heidi, but I think she’d agree.
So, along with giving up my dream of a bookstore, I put aside the thoughts bubbling up of Bear and me together long term. That’s not going to happen. I can live with that.
As long as I can feel his arms around me one more time.
Chapter 36
Bear
So much time passesbetween when Doctor Brown arrives and Grace finally comes back that I’m ready to crawl out of my skin. The Sound of Music soundtrack doesn’t help. The Lonely Goatherd pierces my ears, even though Mom’s accompanying laugh is closer to music than the actual song.
