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“Let me go see what Allison is up to,” she says.
She disappears into the hall, leaning up the stairs. “Hey, honey. Cash is here for you.”
Something falls and hits the floor. It sounds like a hairbrush. Then Allison faintly calls, “Can you come up here a second, mom?”
Diane climbs the stairs quickly. I hear a door open and shut above us. Silence falls and I know Allison is probably almost in tears upstairs. I’ve lived with Diane and my daughter long enough to know it’s always right before we have to be somewhere when their hair won’t cooperate and they can’t find anything to wear.
“Want to go have a smoke?” I say.
Cash’s eyes go wide and he glances at his father. Sovereign stands, one hand on his coffee.
“Come on, don’t act like you aren’t smoking and drinking with Deacon’s boys,” he says. “Let’s go, it could be a few minutes.”
We go outside to the back porch. The sun is still up, but the edges of the horizon are dark blue. Cattle low from the fields. Sovereign, Jensen, and I put up a pasture around the back the other year and it’s where we keep the horses now. There’s a new barn, a hundred yards from the house. I can see River’s horse leaning out of the window, staring down at the creek.
Sovereign digs around in his pocket and takes out his metal lighter. I crack open the pack I took from the everything drawer in the kitchen. Smoking is a young man’s hobby, but now and then, I’ll have a cigarette on the back porch. Especially when the haying season goes on a little too long.
Sovereign is the same way. He says he’s got too many mouths to feed to have bad habits. But, when the occasion calls for it, we have one. And we can both tell that Cash is nervous off his ass tonight.
Nobody talks. That’s okay, that’s just the way things are. After a while, the back door creaks open and Diane steps out.
“You better get going, Cash,” she says.
He hides his cigarette behind his back. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Why don’t you go around the house and start your truck,” she says. “You don’t need an audience just to go down to the diner for a coffee.”
I reach behind his back and take his cigarette, jerking my head towards the side yard. He grabs his hat off the railing and disappears around the house. Sovereign lets his head drop back, releasing a stream of smoke into the sky.
The door opens behind Diane and my daughter walks out, looking shy. My throat gets tight because Allison looks so grown up. Maybe part of me thought my children would just stay littleforever. Running around the farm in their bare feet. Begging for me to pick them up. Tagging along to the general store so they can get candy from the register.
“Where’s Cash?” She purses her lips, just the way her mother does.
“Around the front,” I say. “Let me walk you.”
Diane gives me a look and I ignore it, ushering Allison into the house. In the kitchen, I take her by the elbow and pull her in for a hug. She melts into me, laying her cheek on my arm.
“Hey, dad, I’m just going on a date,” she whispers.
I kiss the top of her head. “I know, I just didn’t realize you and Cash were so grown up until tonight. Time goes fast.”
She squeezes me hard and lets me go. I stand there in the kitchen and watch her go down the hall, blonde hair tied back in a braid the way Diane always does it for her. It hits me that this is exactly what Diane wanted for our future. Her daughter is safe and she gets to choose who she loves.
It’s so simple, but for some of us, it was so hard.
The front door shuts. Cash’s truck revs and goes down the drive. He’s driving carefully, trying to prove that he’s responsible. In the silence, the world feels at peace.
I think this is a milestone for both Diane and I.
The back door is kicked ajar and Sovereign walks in, tossing the cigarette butts into the trash. He grabs his hat from the table and fits it on.
“Let’s see about those papers,” he says.
We go into the office and I rifle through the files until I find what he’s looking for. He takes the folder and loiters by the door.
“Did you need something else?” I ask.
He clears his throat. “No. I think this is good.”
