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“I just sent you the report,” I tell him, following him to his office. He simply nods. The wordsthank youare a novelty for Damon, so he barely uses them. “By the way, Sutton called. She wants you to call her back.”
I see the ice freezing any warmness he had in his gaze toward me five seconds ago. All gone, within seconds.
“Did she say anything else?”
I process Sutton’s words to me from our call.He might as well have.I shake my head, unwilling to show my cards yet. “Want to grab dinner?”
“Not tonight, it’s been a long day.”
His stare could slice me to pieces, because he looks like he wants to say yes but is firmly sticking to his no. Is it Sutton? Can the simple memory of Palmer cause him to retreat that quickly from me?
Even afterall the words. All the perfect little words coming from his mouth.
Unless he wants to work on the report.
I turn to walk away, trying to hide how offended I am. I’m too focused on the dark clouds brewing in my mind to realize he’s pressed up against me as he closes the door with the palm of his hand.
“I need to think things through. I can’t think clearly around you.”
I spin around.
He must see the confusion written all over my face, for he continues, “It’s not bad. Stop doubting me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But you just said . . .”
“Shh.” He kisses my lips, slowly, adoringly. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’m here.”
But for how long?
I nod, kissing him before I untangle myself from his embrace, opening the door to leave and take off for the next two days.
Something changed today. Sadness killed happiness. Fear killed hope.
I’m a mess.
It’s noon, and I haven’t showered or changed into normal clothes. I’m still in a Harry Potter tee, staring at the wall in my room.
My dad called. Gia called. I let both calls go to voice mail. I don’t want to talk to them. They’ll hear the misery oozing out of me.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Being away from Harv was supposed to be easy. But I’m such a fool to have believed that. So far only work and being with Damon have been able to keep my mind off the blue-eyed boy.
But today nothing stops the darkness from drowning me deep below the darkest sea.
I can’t eat. I can’t move. I can barely think.
I’m grateful for the numbness the screaming lady uses to protect my heart. As if she knows I can’t handle any more screams of pain. I can’t handle more shattering truths.
Denial is a no-war zone. Denial feels like coming home. Denial is my dear old friend.
It destroys every thought crippling me.
Palmer’s diary is further from my mind this morning, since everything is bleak and gloomy. I catch my purse over the doorknob, and I remember the paper Harvey gave me when I moved out.
I grab it and lie on my bed, opening the paper.
He drewme.
A blurriness crosses my vision as I realize he drew the happy me. The happy Gemma after Harvey. Without him. The one with Damon.
