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I need her.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. He wants her, but he needs me. I walk to my bedroom door and lock it, letting my back slide against the wall.
My heart is beating frantically. My fear of losing Harvey has tripled, and I don’t know how to stop it. Without registering what I’m doing, I call Damon.
“Gemma.”
“I changed my mind. Can you pick me up for New York now?”
There’s a pause. Maybe he doesn’t want to. Maybe he’s busy. I don’t know, but finally he says, “I’ll be there soon,” and hangs up.
I try my damnedest to think of anything I might be forgetting for my trip. Harvey doesn’t even know I’m leaving. When I pass the kitchen and look through the curtains, I can see them outside, holding hands.
These two make me so mad.
I bite down all the hatred and stop myself from banging on thefuckingwindow because I’m no better than them.
I’m not.
I can’t believe they’re still hanging out at this time. All this time while I worked overtime and worried that he’d be lonely, she was there.
Claire, who smiles and laughs and makes Harv happier than I ever could. I take a notepad on the kitchen counter and tell him that I’m going to New York for the next few days and that he should enjoy his alone time with Claire.
He begged me for another chance.
I don’t know how to feel about his words. He says he needs me, but he’s giving her parts of himself that he used to give to me.
He calls herbabe, and he wants her. I don’t even want to know the rest. I can’t even think about it. All of this was so easy when I didn’t have to face the truth of our betrayals, when everything stayed buried behind walls and walls of concrete lies.
Now it’s majorly complicated, and I need some air.
Seeing them together demolished the anxiety I usually feel about leaving him for work trips. Clearly he can fend for himself.
I change into casual clothes, and it doesn’t take long for Damon to pick me up.
He shoves my suitcase and carry-on bag in the trunk, and we’re on our way. To his place, I guess. We’re not leaving for New York until early morning.
My phone vibrates against me, and we both stare at Harvey’s name flashing through the dimness.
I answer. I need to talk to him before I leave.
“What do you mean you’re going to New York? Why?”
“For work.”
“Oh, okay. Well, why didn’t you tell me?” I hear Claire in the background and feral hate consumes my heart. It’s not pink anymore; it’s pitch black.
And I hate myself for it.
“I was going to tell you tonight, but then I saw you two all cozy together outside.” I bite my tongue, trying to keep the words in. Spoken out loud, they might do more damage than they’re worth.
“Do you have time to come back? Gemma, please. It’s not what you think.”
“Is she still there?”
“What? Yes, but—”
I shake my head at no one in particular. Courage filters through me when Damon takes my other hand in his. I can say what’s on my mind and let Harvey stew on it while I’m gone.
