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He lets go of my wrist when I nod, and we spend the evening gaming in silence.
Harvey wasn’t mad today when I left with my family to go tubing.
He could come. We would’ve taken two cars, and we could’ve enjoyed an hour-and-a-half-long drive together. I just know he’d think he’s imposing on everyone.
For the first time since Damon broke my heart, I hear myself laugh as I watch my dad and my brother-in-law, James, running around with Athena.
It’s nice being outside again. In nature, sunbeams lighting my face. My body is all bundled up. My phone is tucked away in my ski jacket—a great way to ensure I don’t check it every minute to see if Damon texted me.
Every time I hear my phone vibrate, hope resurges, only to have it sliced to pieces. Somehow IknowDamon won’t come back to me. He won’t call or text me again. I don’t even know why I bother hoping.
Later on, Gia suggests we get food and hot drinks from the resort’s common house. A part of me wants to stay outside, but the guilty side of me wants to please her.
I’ve been pushing her away, and that has to stop.
Gia texts James and Dad where to meet us, and I burn my tongue having my first sip of hot chocolate.
“Are you back with Harvey?”
I pick at my nachos, debating what to say. “We’re trying things out.”
“So you’re back together then,” she confirms, picking at her fries. “What about Damon?”
I shrug, looking behind her to avoid her inquisitions. She waits for me to answer with three fries in her hand waiting to be shoved in her mouth.
I spare her the misery.
“He doesn’t want me.” I clear my voice, knowing she wants to tell me that I shouldn’t be with Harvey simply because Damon pushed me away.
I know she’s right, but I also love Harvey. I do. I really do. But what I had with Damon? God, I can’t even think about it, or I’ll break all over again. Maybe it’s best we ended things before he did some real damage.
“Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you should come live with me or Dad until you have it figured out.”
“What?” Her suggestion is absurd. She knows I won’t leave Harvey. I’ve never left him alone for more than a few days. It creates this deeply rooted anxiety I can’t shake off.
“I can’t do that.”
“Gemma, you need space. You mistake guilt for love.”
“I wouldn’t put up with this if I didn’t love him.”
“You’re a nice person. You hate hurting people.” She takes a sip of her drink, like she didn’t insult me with her assumptions. “You know what? Maybe you do love him. Maybe you can even work things out. I just think you should clear your head. Do what you always wanted to do—focus on your career, travel, bring the hobbies back into your life. And if you do that and Harvey’s still by your side, supportingyou, happy foryou, then by all means ...”
I must look at her in bewilderment. Her words do something to me, because deep down I wish I could follow through with her plan. Deep down I know I need space from him.
“Even if that’s the case, I wouldn’t burden you or Dad.”
“You wouldn’t be a burden. I miss you. And Dad travels a lot, so you’d barely notice him around.”
The more she goes on and on about my independence and how she knows I fell hard for Damon, the more I let myself think of what it’d be like to have my own space.
Without Harvey.
The initial reaction is an unhealthy dose of paranoia. What would happen to him? Would he be okay? Would Claire be with him more often? Would he become depressed?
“He kissed me—Harvey.”
Wide eyes stare at me in shock. “And?”
