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I can hardly think. My slight nod responds to him instead.
Something liberating courses through me, allowing me more freedom than an hour of riding. I feel almost as if I’m enteringanother realm of time, where it slows down, where I’m mentally there but also having an out-of-body experience.
I’m floating, barely breathing, ready for darkness to wash over me.
I squeeze his neck with one hand, while my sex traps his hard length.
“You crazy, crazy girl, Gemma.” He presses farther down my neck for a few seconds before he releases.
I gasp, my body going through the tunnel of pleasure as he thrusts in me and plays with my clit while I feel faint, his fingers bringing me to a dark orgasm.
“Fucking perfect,” he grunts, his own release melding with mine. A soft moan escapes me as he pushes in one more time before slowly pulling out.
He leans his body over mine, kissing me like you would a long-lost love.
“And?” he asks, his lips less than an inch away from mine. “How was it?” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Everything.” I’m still on a calming type of high. “It was everything.”
“Good.” He unwraps the belt around my wrists, then takes the flogger and puts it in the drawer. He shuts off the light before slipping back in bed.
“I want to do it again,” I tell him when he wraps his arms around me. My heart is pounding in my chest, wondering what the hell I’m doing, because I’m not sure what to do about us.
And yet here I am, reeling in his sigh as he no doubt ponders my request. I know he’ll grant me more neck play because he believes himself the master of my limits and myself the destroyer of them.
Perhaps he’s right; perhaps I never really feared for my safety.
Since I lost my mom, I’ve had an odd sense of familiarity with death. I didn’t die, but losing her sure felt like it. It felt like going through the motions of dying. In fact, I can’t ever think of death as something worse than grieving—something worse than losing someone you love.
So, skirting mortality always felt like I was one step closer to my mom.
One step closer to asking her all the things. To giving her all the hugs. To listening to all her silly advice.
I have no idea why I’m reminiscing about this right this second. All I know is that I miss her.
“Okay, but I won’t do asphyxiation, Gemma. Holding your neck is one thing, but making you pass out is something entirely different.”
“Many people do it.”
“And some have died. You can’t do breath playandride bikes. Pick your poison, Red.”
You’re my poison.
Because you might leave, and yet here I am.
I’m a lovesick fool just waiting for the day Damon decides he’s done playing house with me and kicks me to the curb.
My eyelids are heavy, my body seeking the sleep it deserves after the adrenaline I put it through today. I finally shut my eyes when he presses his lips against my temple.
“Sleep, Gemma.”
I should leave.
They hit Harvey.
Nausea leads me to the bathroom early Wednesday morning.
I wash my hands after throwing up, seeing the reflection of my skin looking like a bleak winter.
