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I want to tell him the truth. He might run away from it, but it’ll give me an answer. It’ll confirm that Gia’s right—he won’t catch me in the end.
I bite the insides of my cheek, unsure how to proceed. “I’m scared.”
“Of?”
“You. I want you . . .”
His voice is raw, as if in pain. “I want you too.”
I shake my head in the darkness, all alone. “No, Iwantyou, want you.”
“Can’t we talk about this in person?”
I say nothing because he’s right; I should bring this up face to face, when I can see his reaction. See him retreat, see him pull back and not give memore.
“Joey can come get you. Would you like that, Gemma?”
I would. Very, very much.
I think of Harvey. I think of Gia. I think of everybody who’ll end up hurt by my decisions.
Still, I answer, “Okay.” My voice is barely a whisper.
He hangs up without saying goodbye. I text him Gia’s address, telling him I’m at my sister’s place. He replies with a simpleok, before I freak out inside.
Should I bring a bag?
What am I doing?
The thought doesn’t stop me. I’m doing what I want; I’m following my instincts. This is it. Right now, right this moment, I want to be in Damon’s arms. No matter how wrong it is.
I’m glad I brought a few things with me when I left home earlier this evening. I change into a set of lacy, dark green undergarments and put my T-shirt and leggings back on.
I put on some mascara, blush, and gloss, wanting to look alive when all I feel inside is a fog of despair. An inner black hole of nothingness. Then I wait for his text in the entrance of Gia’s house in my puffer coat and Uggs.
My heart drops when Gia comes out of her room, then walks down the stairs. I was hoping I could sneak out before she berates me.
Don’t hate me, sister.
“Will you be back tonight?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter.
“Gem... you shouldn’t be going to Damon like this, not tonight. You’ll sleep with him, and then what? Then what, hmm?” She crosses her arms, and suddenly it’s as if she’s chastising me like she used to when we were teenagers, filling our mother’s role.
“I need to talk to him.” She stares at me like I’m stupid and naïve. And maybe I am. I take a step forward and hold on to her arm. “Gia, I have to make my own mistakes.”
She scoffs. “So you know it’s a mistake and you’re still willing to do it?”
I nod. “Being with him feels right.”
“Lust, Gemma. It’s called lust. It always feels right.”
“It’smore,” I say getting annoyed, staring at my phone when I see the taillights of Damon’s car in her driveway.
“It’s more for you . . . what about him?”
I send an apologetic shrug her way and leave, locking the door behind me with my own key. I’m second-guessing my decision every minute.
