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“Don’t play coy, Harvey. What is it about her that puts asmileon your face? Why can you lethertouch you! Why can you lethersee you walk! What have I ever done to you?” The tears are stinging my eyes, badly, now.
But I don’t dare let them fall.
Harvey looks hurt himself by my questions.
“I did everything,everythingthat I could to be there for you and put your needs first.EVERYTHING, HARVEY!” My voice rises a few octaves, and we’re both stunned by my outburst. It’s different this time—I’m almost screaming as the words bleed out of me, one by one, as I struggle to share with this man how much he’s hurt me over the years.
I’m angry at him and myself. Angry at myself for not saying something earlier. One thing is for sure, working for Damon teaches you to tell it like it is.
I don’t let him answer. I’m not ready for his answer.
I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know.
I storm to my room and prepare a bag. I put a few outfits, a toothbrush, and my makeup bag in it before pulling on leggings and Uggs. I’m sure I forgot a few things. I’m not thinking straight but I text Gia anyway, telling her that I’m coming over.
“Where’re you going? Gemma... let’s talk about this.”
“Now you want to talk?” For two and a half years I’m here dying a slow death and suddenly he wants to talk. After he made mistakes, after I made mistakes.
No.No.
He lets me leave, and I’m glad I had the common sense to put a black puffer winter coat on because it’s freezing outside.
“So, what happened?” Gia wants to know once we’re seated in front of her fireplace, with a glass of bourbon in my hand, thanks to James. He insisted it’d help me sleep better.
“He kissedClaire.” Relief pours out of my veins. It feels good to share this with my sister even if I’m terrified of the advice she’ll provide.
Her mouth is wide open at the spilled truth. “Get out! He didn’t.”
I nod, my heart in so much pain. The bourbon finds its way to my throat, and I slide the empty glass onto her coffee table.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Gem. I can’t even imagine... I’m trying to think how I’d feel if I ever found James was with another woman—”
Don’t make her believe Harvey’s the enemy here.
I don’t want her thinking I’m innocent because I’m not. So I tell her. “I kissed my boss. I kissed Damon.”
She shakes her head and holds my hand. “Oh Gemma... Oh Gem... the look on your face. Details. Give me details.” She looks disappointed in me. Sad that I didn’t confide in her. Sad that I’d have an affair with another man.
She’s married, after all. She married her first love, has a daughter with him. She’ll stay with him forever, knowing her.
I’m a mess.
I want it. The happy ending. I want it all. I’m simply unsure with whom I’m supposed to have it.
I tell her everything,everything, even the fact that Harvey and I haven’t had sex since the accident.
“Why didn’t you tell me? It’s me. I’d never judge you. I could never. I love you. You could murder someone, and I’d help you cover it up.”
We’re both laughing at her silly comment but she’s notreally kidding now, is she? We really would do anything for one another.
“Who makes you the best version of you?”
“That’s not a fair question to ask, Gia...”
Her nose scrunches up. “And why not? It’s a simple question, isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not.” I pull back and remove my hand from her hold. “Harvey’s been through a lot.”
