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Harvey’s jaw looks like it wants to crack at the mere statement itself.
Maybe he needs to know. Maybe he needs to understand that he’s pushing me away. That I can’t be beholden to such a promise.
I can’t live in fear, yet I do every day. I worry I won’t live to see the world. To explore it all. I worry I won’t love or be loved to the best of my ability.
Maybe Harvey needs a shove. So here it is.
My brow arches while I stare at Harv.
I broke your promise. What will you do about it?
I feel like the middle flame of a fire, growing bolder and bolder with the force. I’m pushing back and a part of me is proud.
“Good,” James says awkwardly.
“Time for dessert!” Gia bounces up, making her way to the kitchen, Athena and me following behind her.
“Ibigbowl of ice c’eam.” Athena smiles at me while holding my hand. Gia and I take out the plates and spoons, and she gives me a look that saysI’m sorry I told my husband and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
Gia cuts the pecan pie, and I add a generous amount of caramel vanilla ice cream on top of each pie slice.
“Just ice c’eam,” Athena points to the pie, scrunching her nose in disgust. “More ice c’eam, me won’t eat pie.”
“I like your logic.” I grin at her, giving her two massive scoops of ice cream. She seems in heaven when she takes a bite of it.
“I’m sorry,” Gia whispers, digging into her own dessert. Her head shakes. “I’m gonna give James so much shit when we get home.”
“Don’t.” I shrug. “It’s fine.” It’s nice of my sister to apologize, except it’s not her fault, nor is it James’s. I didn’t want Harvey to know because I knew this would hurt him, but maybe we need to have this conversation.
“It’s huge.” She’s still whispering. “You haven’t been on a bike since the accident, and your first time was with another man.” She shoots me a glare. “A hot one at that.”
James comes in and Harvey wheels behind him before Gia hands each of them a dessert plate.
“You like pie?” Athena asks Harvey, sitting on his lap while he eats with one arm.
“You’re missing out, princess,” Harvey teases her.
I’m staring at James, who wraps his arms around Gia. She smiles at me then rolls her eyes at her husband, who’s trying to get back into her good graces.
I’m calmer than I thought I’d be given the circumstances. Given that Harv might ask me questions I’m not prepared to answer.
Luckily, my brother-in-law keeps him in a good mood while I listen to Harvey talk about his weekend trip at the cottage with Hen and his dad. I’m hearing all the details—the ones he’d probably refuse to share with me if I’d asked.
I finish my dessert, and Gia leaves with her loved ones shortly after. I’m tidying up when Harvey closes the door behind them.
I’m nervous. I feel like my mind can’t keep up with the damage my anxiety will do to my body.
He wheels himself to the kitchen island, his teeth tugging on his bottom lip. He’s debating, calculating his next words, his next move.
“You promised.”
Two words.
Yet they move mountains inside of me and tear open my heart in the center. Because he’s right. I failed him and I continue to do so every day. I don’t know what he needs me to be for him or what he wants.
I broke a promise I couldn’t keep. And, worst of all, I should feel remorse, regret.Something.Anything other than the thrilling memory of it.
Harvey says nothing else, but heads to his room and slams his bedroom door. I wince, knowing that it’s his way of telling me he’s beyond mad.
