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“Wow, finally! A reaction.” She bumps her shoulder against mine.
“You’re out of your mind, Gia. He’s handsome, but he’s my boss and I’m with Harvey.”
She nods and nods.
We stay silent for a few minutes. She’s no longer next to me when she throws at me, “You’re happier.”
My back is to her and I’m so, so grateful because the happiness that races up my chest surely appears on my face.
I refuse to tell her that I can’t stop thinking about Damon, that I touch myself thinking about what I want from him.
The smallest touch from this man sends me down a dark hole and I love the thrill it invokes in me. And seeing him onstage and hearing him talk with everyone at the conference? He commanded the room; he knew what he was talking about.
We like the same things.
But . . . Harvey.
The beating of my heart regains a steady pace as I remind myself of my reality.
“Gemma?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re always happy around Harvey, but it’s the fake smile that we get from you. The one where you try so hard to make sure he’s fine and happy and taken care of...” If she doesn’t shut up any second now, I won’t be able to control the slight tremor in my hand. “Lately you’ve been happier. I hear it in your voice when you call me after work. Or when I called you on your trip. You’re not faking it then. You’re the happier Gemma that I remember.”
I clear my throat before I turn to face her. “So I like my job... what’s your point?”
She gives me a pointed look, filling two glasses with orange juice. “I’ll never judge you. God knows James and I aren’t perfect either.”
I don’t respond. I face the oven again and finish my pancakes in peace.
Then I decide to feed her a few crumbs to wipe those earlier tears from her mind. Because I love my sister, and I want to appease her.
“Gia...” I turn to her. I’m dreading her reaction because she knew of my vow to Harv to never ride again. And Gia takes vows seriously. But I almost need to turn to her for this—I needsomeone.
It surprises me—that I’m willing to share things with her about Damon when I keep everything about my relationship with Harvey to myself.
“Yeah?”
“My boss took me to a bike track. I rode again.” I mentally prepare myself for the wrath that might follow.
She looks stunned. “Well... why would he do that?”
I shrug. “He knows I used to bike. We were in LA, maybe that’s why.”
“Wow, this is huge! Tell me, how was it?” she asks excitedly.
“It was... I forgot how much I missed it. I missed beingme.”
“Oh, Gem.” She shakes her head and comes and gives me a tight hug. “I’m happy you told me.” She squeezes my hand afterward.
We bring the food to the table, and I shift the focus to Athena and the upcoming baby as we eat delicious food together.
I miss you too, Gia.
Sunday evening with Harvey was uneventful. He was tired, so I relaxed in front of the TV while it snowed outside.
The guilt hit me massively from seeing him in his chair considering I went riding again. With another man. And I broke my promise—the only true promise I ever made to him.
