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“I don’t want your money, and I’m on the pill,” I say quietly. I’m trying to keep myself together, trying not to break.
He shoves his money back into his wallet. I don’t know how Damon can make me this angry in a split second.
I cover myself and zip up my dress. Right as I’m about to pull down the hem of my dress, his finger skims the cum off my thigh, bringing it to my lips, pressing the pad of his thumb inside my mouth.
One minute he’s furious, and the next he’s feeding me his semen. My attitude makes even less sense because I suck my lips around his thumb.
“Don’t ever pull something like that again. I was going to fuck you tonight.” His eyes deliver another warning; he’s trying to scare me, but it won’t work.
“It’s always on your terms. Always.” And my voice quivers as I think my words are meant more for Harvey than him. “What’s the big deal, Damon? We both wanted this anyway. We both—”
He’s pulling on his hair in a way that I’ve never seen a man do. It makes me want to comfort him. I just had the best sex of my life, and he looks as if he’s dying inside.
“Because it’sdifferentwith you.” He shocks himself. His eyes register the words coming out of his mouth, yet he says them again. “It’s different with you,” he whispers.
In a brief second, his cold stare is back in place. Then he’s gone with a small slam of the restroom door.
A numbness takes over. It’s not a dark hole. I’m not drowning. The screaming lady no longer screams.
I’m numb, so numb. And I’m content with this.
There’s no pain at the numb level. Only an in-between state of being.
I clean and fix myself before leaving his office. I don’t see anyone when I make it to my desk. Damon’s office is secluded anyway, and there aren’t many people on this floor.
Damon’s nowhere in sight. He just left, and it terrifies me. What if I pushed him too hard, too fast?
I turn on my computer to check his calendar. He has a meeting with Julia in half an hour. She likes punctuality, so I hope he comes back. I’m barely registering anything when I read my emails. Words mix together, meaningless.
My mind, my body, is reeling from the experience.
I touch my swollen lips, then I put on nude lipstick and deodorant to try to hide the signs that I had sex with my boss.
I fucked another man. Not Harvey.
I should feel worse, remorse, but I’m good in that numb state. I’m not mad, not shaking, not nervous. It’s blissful contentment, and I like it here.
It’s different with you.I repeat Damon’s words again and again.
Then Damon comes back, and relief streams inside me, my worry waning as a result of his arrival.
He beckons for me to join him in his office, so I bring a random folder on my desk in case—for appearance purposes.
I follow him inside and close the door. His eyes seem less dark than earlier; he’s calmed down. Staring into his eyes—it calms something inside me too. Knowing what we did together, hoping it brought us closer in some way.
“Still moody?” I ask, surprising myself, and he shakes his head.
“I shouldn’t have blamed you. I came inside.”
I tuck the folder under my arm and walk to him. “I’m glad you did. It was the best sex of my life.”
Way to put his ego on steroids, Gemma.
His voice is so soft when he says, “For me too.”
I step back. “You don’t have to lie, Damon.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me to him, placing my hands over his chest. He kisses my cheek. “I mean it, baby.”
