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I was about to do the most horrible thing I’d ever done in my life. I’d hoped Apple had found someone her own age who would adore her and treat her like the princess she was. She hadn’t. And I hadn’t been able to keep my promises to her. Any of them.
I couldn’t be with her. I couldn’t make her my old lady. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I’d made some enemies. Bad ones. Granted, I’d done exactly what I’d had to, exactly what Sting had asked of me. Now I was out of that hellhole. But some of the primary players were still alive. If I was found, it wouldn’t be just me who’d suffer. Apple would too. Probably more than me, because they’d use her to torture me.
Sting and I had spoken at length about this. Apple absolutely could not be around me. The enemies I’d made might hesitate to attack the compound itself, but if they knew I had a woman here, they’d throw everything they could at us and more than just the men would be in danger. Every single woman and child would be at risk. If Apple were here, they’d be in even more danger because everyone in the club would give their lives to protect one of their own.
No. The only choice was to send Apple to Riviera Beach to stay with her sister at Grim Road MC. The only way to get Apple to go willingly, was to make it so uncomfortable for her to be in the compound with me that she left on her own. If she knew I was trying to protect her, she’d not only get her sister to kick my ass, but she’d refuse to leave my side. I couldn’t leave her that option.
Yeah. I was going to hell because the second I pulledthrough the gates and into the parking lot in front of the clubhouse and saw Apple, I knew from the look on her face what I was about to do to her would devastate her beyond any repairing our relationship later. Apple loved me as much as I loved her. But it wasn’t safe for me to be with her. Might never be. No matter the pain to her heart now, at least she’d be safe.
“Deacon!” She waved at me, jumping up and down excitedly. I couldn’t help but grin. God, I’d missed her! I’d been in hell the last three months and thoughts of her had been the only thing that kept me going.
“Apple.” I gave her a wide grin, resisting the urge to open my arms so she could fling herself at me like I knew she wanted to. “It’s good to see you.”
She gave me a hesitant smile, obviously trying to decide what to do next. I could see she was unsure of herself. It gutted me to know this was my fault. And it was going to get worse. “I’ve been waiting for you. I-I was afraid something had happened when you didn’t show up a couple months ago.”
I shrugged, giving her a fond look. I tried to make it like an uncle might look at a favorite niece, hoping she’d sense the difference in me and at least have an idea things were going to change before I laid it all out for her. “I had things to take care of… some things for the club. Sometimes it can’t be helped.”
“I know,” she said softly, still looking up at me shyly. “When Wylde told me you were coming home today, I’d hoped we could spend the evening together.”
I winced. “Sorry, honey. I’ll have to give a report to Sting, then I really need some time to decompress.” I laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and hoped like piss I wasn’t shaking. The shock of touching her was bad enough. My gut was gnawing at me and my heart was truly breaking. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I wasn’t sure I could go through with this. “We’ll talk in a couple of days.”
She jerked back like I’d struck her. This was it. I had to do it here in the common room. Not because I wanted one of my brothers to end up with her, but because I knew doing this in public would be the one thing that would cause her to run from me and not insist on staying. She could move on with her life easier if she were with her sister where her home would be hidden. Secret. She’d be with Lemon and the rest of Grim Road, and I could concentrate all my time on eliminating this bastard, Borris Illivitch.
“What do you mean?” She shook her head slightly. “Decompress? Don’t you want to spend some time with me? I can maybe give you a massage.”
I laughed, reaching out to ruffle her hair like I might a child’s. “Sorry, squirt. We can hang out in a few days.”
“Hang out.” She gave me a dazed, blank look and I inwardly winced. Confusion warred with disbelief as she took a step away from me, shaking her head.
“Look.” I took a step toward her. Everything inside me was rebelling, but I had to do this. I’d discussed it with Sting and he hadn’t exactly agreed, but knew it was better for Apple if she were away from here for a while. Until this whole fucking mess was cleaned up for good. I had to send Apple to Grim Road where she’d be hidden. And safe. I was going to catch hell for this later, but I knew there would be no reasoning with Apple.
When it came to people she loved, Apple was just as protective as her sister, and she loved with her whole heart. Unless I gave her a good hard shove, she would never leave. Not as long as she thought we’d eventually be together. I’d wanted it to be true, but I think, deep down, I’d known even a year ago it would come to this. “I know what I said, Apple. I’m sorry. I should never have led you on.”
Apple sucked in a breath, her hand fluttering over her throat defensively. “What?” Her voice was a mere thread ofsound. Also, the whole of the clubhouse in the immediate vicinity was witness to everything I was saying. “What do you mean, led me on?”
I sighed. “We can’t be together, Apple. We’re just too different. I’m too old, and you’re way the fuck too young.” I patted her shoulder awkwardly. Time to deliver the killing blow. Then I really would be condemned to the seventh pit of hell. “You’re a beautiful woman, Apple. But you’re just not ready to take on a man like me.”
I braced myself for her tears, for the accusing looks from her and every single one of my brothers in the room. It seemed like the air was all sucked out of the clubhouse and every eye was on us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw even Sting had emerged from his office, a shocked look on his face. Yeah, everyone had picked the exact wrong moment to go silent. Well. I’d wanted everyone to witness this, to force Apple to leave. Looks like I was getting my wish.
Instead of crying, of railing at me, Apple’s face went abruptly blank. The light in her eyes that I loved so much, that sparkle that told me she was happy, went out. It took every ounce of control I had not to lunge for her, to pull her into my arms and tell her I didn’t mean it. That I only wanted her safe, but I’d gone too far to back out now.
“I see.” She put her chin up and gave me a small smile. “Well. I’m glad you’re back safe, Deacon.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry I misunderstood what was going on. I thought I was supposed to stay in your house, but I can see I was mistaken.”
“You weren’t, Apple. You’re welcome to stay there as long as you like.”
She shook her head. “That won’t be necessary. I’ll have my stuff out by the end of the day.”
“I appreciate it,” I said, trying to look relieved when I was dying inside. “All I want is two days’ worth of sleep and to be bymyself. To get my wits back.” I gave her what I hoped was a tired, embarrassed smile. “Been a long year, honey.”
“Yeah. I guess it has.” She smiled again. “Well. Give me a few hours. I’ll have Wylde let you know when the place is ready.” A subtle jab? Yeah. Wylde would make my life miserable for sure. I wouldn’t blame him.
Sting had agreed to keep my situation to himself unless he had to get the Tzars involved. He’d given me the original mission, but I’d cut myself off from him when he’d tried to pull me out. Everything that happened later had been my own fault.
But it had been worth it. I had a lead on two cells in a sophisticated human trafficking highway. The end of that road was about three and a half hours or so south of Corpus Christi, Texas, in Mexico. Sting said we’d start there. After that, we’d backtrack the fuckers to the start. Then we’d shut them down for good.
Now, I had to live with the consequences of my actions. That meant giving up Apple. I’d sacrificed for my country before. For my club. But this was harder than anything I’d ever imagined.
As I watched Apple saunter out of the clubhouse, I stumbled backward, leaning against a pool table for several seconds before stomping out of the common room and up to my room in the clubhouse. Once in my room, I went to the window to look outside. I knew exactly which way Apple would go and my gaze found her unerringly.
