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The words struck Davina like a blow. “I did feel the same. Until this morning.”
Lady Aileen nodded. “Trust, once lost, is hard to reclaim. But I have not betrayed ye, Davina.”
“Then why did ye not object when the laird said he would see me married to a McKenna?”
Lady Aileen peered over her shoulder. Only after she had examined every corner of the chapel and determined they were alone did she speak. “Brian McKenna is a good man, with many fine qualities. He’s also as stubborn as a summer day is long. I’ve been married to him for enough years to know that there’s no use in wasting yer breath when he has his mind set on something. And fer some peculiar reason that I cannae claim to fully understand, he has his mind set on ye marrying a McKenna.”
Hopelessness washed over Davina. “I cannae do it.”
“Och, child, I never said that ye would. Forgive my boastful words, but ye’ll find no better husband in all of the Highlands than my sons.” Lady Aileen peered at her with interest. “The McKenna is wise in the way of warfare. He would never underestimate a threat and he believes there is one against ye. That’s why he insists ye take a husband.”
“I dinnae question the laird’s sincerity. But he is wrong in this instance and I fear his mistake will cost me dearly.” Davina pulled in a long breath. “I absolutely cannae marry,” she added passionately.
“So ye’ve said.”
“And I shall keep saying it until someone truly hears it!”
“Yer vehemence is rather puzzling. Marriage is a natural state fer a woman, especially one of noble birth. If ye had a religious calling, then ye’d be in a convent. Part of the reason ye came here was so that we could offer each other comfort in our melancholy, but that wouldn’t prevent ye from marrying.” Lady Aileen’s elegant brow arched. “Do ye already have a husband?”
“Nay! Of course not!” Davina deepened her voice to emphasize the seriousness of her statements. “But there are reasons. Good reasons. Solid reasons.”
Lady Aileen cleared her throat. “Will ye tell me?”
Davina opened her mouth, but Lady Aileen held up her hand to stop her. “Besides needing yer uncle’s approval.”
Despite her resolve not to, shame warmed Davina’s cheeks. She squirmed under Lady Aileen’s shrewd gaze, for the older woman’s eyes missed no detail, however small and insignificant. Davina stared at the floor, struggling to find the words, then met Aileen’s gaze. Her voice was taut with emotion over the embarrassing words she must speak.
“A man expects his bride to be pure. I fear that I might not be a virgin,” Davina admitted, with as much dignity as she could muster.
“Might? Ye dinnae know?”
“I . . . well . . .”Heavens above, I sound like a half-wit!Davina wrung the fabric of her gown between her hands, took a deep calming breath, and let the words tumble out. “I’m uncertain. A few years ago, I was brutally attacked, possibly violated, but I cannae remember. When I finally healed, the midwife examined me, but she said she cannae always tell if a lass is still a maid. She couldn’t tell with me.”
Lady Aileen’s eyes filled with sympathy. “’Tis a sad tale and I am sorry fer what ye have suffered. But if ye marry a Highlander over the age of sixteen, I daresay he willnae be chaste.”
Davina scoffed. “We both know there is a vast difference between what is expected of a groom and a bride. She must be pure, unsullied, untouched.”
“Hmmm. Well, that might be true, but not all women go to their bridal beds virgins and most grooms dinnae even realize it. There are ways to, uhm, shall we saydisguisethe truth.”
A strange flicker of guilt struck Davina’s heart. She did know of these things and was ashamed to admit that she had thought about it, yet knew, in good conscience, she could never follow through with it. That is, if there even were a chance for her to marry. “I couldn’t start a marriage on such a lie.”
Lady Aileen’s gaze never shifted. “So, ye would not try to deceive him, to pretend an innocence, to smear blood on the bed linens that wasn’t yer own?”
“Nay! I’d have to tell him the whole truth before we took our vows.”
“Even though he’d then have the right to walk away from ye?”
“Aye.” Davina nodded vigorously.
“Well, given yer circumstances, if he walked away, then he wouldn’t be worth keeping, would he?” Lady Aileen concluded with a triumphant grin.
The logic of the argument left Davina speechless for a moment. If only it were so simple. “There are other reasons,” she ventured lamely.
Lady Aileen sent another pitying look in Davina’s direction. “Apparently.”
“I cannae speak of them.”
“Then I’ll badger ye no longer to share yer secrets.”
