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Because this … this I needed. The consequences of decimating those barriers always surrounding Poppy grew bigger and bigger the longer I stood there.
If I stayed, I’d fool myself into thinking I was capable of ignoring her. And right now, with the scent and feel of herfresh in my mind, I knew what bullshit that was. There was no lying to myself. Not right now.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a text about the trip, hoping he was too busy on his weekend away to answer until later. His name flashed on the screen immediately—an incoming call that I probably should have expected. Blowing out a slow breath, I glanced down the hall to make sure the door was shut before I answered.
“Morning,” I said.
“What happened?” he asked, bypassing pleasantries altogether.
Wincing, I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Something needs to happen for me to go do this?”
Bullshit. What utter bullshit.
Cameron was tellingly quiet on the other end of the phone. “You can pull together that big of a trip in such a short time?”
“I think so,” I told him.
He made a small noise of concession. “You’ve been talking about doing this trip long enough. Probably good you’re finally doing the thing.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I did the thing all right.
The thing being his sister.
“Yeah, it’s about time.”
He sighed. “You still have that international phone for emergencies?”
“Of course. If I used my own phone, Wade would text me daily with how much he misses me.”
My friend snorted, and my smile faded fast. The deception sat bitter on my skin, but there was no avoiding it.
“Yeah, go ahead,” he answered after a long moment. “You promise you’re okay, though? You’d tell me if something happened?”
Covering my mouth with one hand, I wrestled thatscreaming part of my conscience with my eyes pinched shut. The hand dropped. My conscience went quiet.
“Nothing happened, Cameron,” I lied smoothly. “Just don’t want to push this off any longer.”
“Okay. Just keep me updated with your travel dates.”
“I might be gone a while for this one,” I said quietly.
“I know. We’ll be all right without you. And maybe Wade will be in a good mood without you here.”
Even with the disquiet hanging over my head, I managed a smile. “Sure he will,” I said dryly.
Cameron laughed, said his goodbye, and disconnected the call.
My chest seized, and I hung my chin down into my chest while I fought the crawling sensation pushing up my spine. It wasn’t just Poppy, of course. I mean, it was mostly about her. But in the moments when I most felt the need to escape, I could hear my mom’s voice in the back of my head.
God, Jax, that’s not what I need right now. I know you think you’re helping, but just … can you just leave me alone, and I’ll be able to figure this out.
If the Wilders were characterized by their dizzying sense of loyalty, an unwavering belief in what they thought was right, and the way they loved each other without reservation, then I’d learned entirely different lessons.
Go.
Leave.
Peace and quiet and solitude were the only way to keep up those necessary barriers in my head.
