AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But I could imagine the pain flashing in her eyes, and I’d sooner pluck my skin off than cause her any more hurt than I already had over the years with my forced indifference. I shoved the blanket in her hands.
“Good night, Poppy.”
She sucked in a quick breath, clutching the blanket to her chest.
“Bathroom is across from my room if you need to use it. I’ll set a shirt on the counter for you.” Then I glanced down at the floor, cursing every single thing about this whole night. She swayed slightly, running a visibly trembling hand through her hair.
The reminder of our mutually lowered inhibitions, the millions of reasons touching her was the worst thing I could possibly do was exactly what I needed to brush past her and walk away.
Chapter 5
Poppy
About an hour after I lay on the couch, the fire in the hearth dimmed from dancing flames to bright orange coals, and the room held a chill to it that I hadn’t felt when I first curled up under the blanket and attempted sleep. My brain raced too fast for any sort of rest. And now … I was cold. I turned, pressing my back into the back cushion, trying to seek warmth from the stupid piece of furniture.
The effects of the alcohol still swam in my head, but as I edged closer to sobriety, I knew I needed water and some painkillers. With the blanket wrapped around my shoulders and Jax’s too-large T-shirt draped around my body, I shuffled into the kitchen and found a glass in the cupboard, filling it with lukewarm water from the tap.
I drank the whole thing and sighed, leaning my weight against the counter while I filled the glass again. Maybe it was the wine or whiskey or the looming threat of a killer hangover, but I couldn’t drudge up a single shred of regret for any of the things I’d said or done.
Too long, I’d sat back and let my feelings for Jax hold the reins. Too long, I’d felt unseen and unnoticed by this person with such a visceral hold on my brain. Something needed to be done, even though it was drastic and rash, and I’d soonface consequences I didn’t like. I wanted to move on from this man—quite desperately. But it wasn’t always that simple, was it?
To make a decision to leave them behind, even if they’ve never given you any hope. He had, though, even if it was inadvertent. There had always been moments when I felt him watching me, but the instant my eyes moved toward him, his focus was elsewhere.
Tonight, though … he was looking. Each one of those looks, longer and more intense than anything he’d given me in the past, was like fire spreading over my skin. And the thing that made my tired brain race as I lay on his couch and struggled to get comfortable was, yet again, what hehadn’tsaid.
I gave him a clear opportunity to tell me he didn’t want me. Yet those words never crossed his lips. When my heart started racing, I rubbed at my chest.
What if he did want me? What if this was my opportunity, and the moment I walked out the door in the morning, he disappeared for one of his long trips?
He did it often, packing his bags and heading off to who knows where for weeks or a month or two. Cameron never told me where he went, and I didn’t ask either.
The timing was perfect, really. There’d be breathing room if this entire thing crashed and burned, and my ass ended up back on the couch.
I was never the impulsive one, but so far, nothing horrible had happened by showing up here. If anything, Jax was far more conflicted than I ever realized, based on the searing heat in his eyes before he stormed off to his bedroom.
If looks could conjure naked orgasms, then the one he gave me would be the big daddy winner of all time. It wasn’t the way you looked at a friend or someone you pitied.
It wasn’t the way you looked at your best friend’s little sister.
Not unless you wanted to screw her into the mattress but refused to admit it.
Heat licked up my spine, and I blew out a slow breath.
Deep in the back of my still-tipsy brain, I knew I’d only be considering something this drastic because of the helping hand of alcohol.
Sober Poppy wouldn’t march into a man’s bedroom and climb under the covers with him.
Tipsy Poppy was a bit less concerned with consequences. Tipsy Poppy felt a little desperate to exorcise this man from her head, and at the moment, it felt like the best way to do it.
Just once. Then I could know and take the memory to my grave as the risky, impulsive thing that I did because I knew he wanted me but wouldn’t act because of my age and my brother and whatever arbitrary list he’d conjured.
This unexpected night felt safe. No one knew I was here. No one saw me arrive, and whether he realized it or not, Jax and his no-kissing rule gave me a surprising sense of security.
Was I capable of no-strings with a man who’d been at the center of every fantasy I’d ever had? Especially if I went into it with my eyes wide open. I wasn’t trying to change his mind or magically make him a romantic Prince Charming. That was something he’d never tried to be.
What he could give me, though, as Jax Cartwright—imperfect and completely upfront about it—was a night I’d never forget.
I ran a hand through my hair and stared down at the second glass of water, waiting for reservations to come clawing to the surface. Waiting for reason to prevail and sideline what insanity had gripped me.
