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I nodded. “End of this week.”
His brow furrowed slightly. “Do you want to find out what it is?”
“I don’t think I do,” I told him. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. Then he nodded. “Yeah, that’s okay. I like not knowing too.” The line of his throat moved on a swallow, and he stared down at the ground. “God, it’s going to feel so much more real, isn’t it? Seeing them. A nose and hands and a mouth and a tiny fucking human that’s ours.”
Jax paused, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second before his hand dropped into his lap.
“What is it?” I asked.
When he looked up, his eyes were heartbreakingly earnest. “Do you think I’ll be a good dad?” he asked quietly.
“Of course.” I sat forward and held my hands out. “Come here. I don’t like being so far away from you when we’re talking about this.”
Jax smiled softly, swiping his hands over his pants as he walked over. Settling his weight on the cushion next to me, he stretched an arm out behind me, and I turned, easily swinging my leg over his lap so that I could sit facing him. A few more weeks, and the logistics of a good lap straddle would be too difficult, but for now, it worked.
He eased his hands up the tops of my thighs, along the sides of my belly and around to anchor on either side of my hips. “Closer, as commanded,” he said.
I cupped his face, my thumbs bracketing the sides of his mouth. “You’re going to be a great dad, because you care enough to ask that question. Because you think about where they’ll sleep and if they’re safe.”
I swallowed, watching the shift in his expression as he looked up at me. Somehow, my opinion had always mattered to this man. Far before I ever realized it, and more deeply than I could have imagined.
Having his heart in my care was such a precious gift, and nothing I’d ever take for granted.
“I thought maybe you were afraid to have a kid,” I admitted. “When you didn’t want to feel the baby kick.”
Jax’s eyes closed and he shook his head. “No, it wasn’t that. I mean, I am afraid, but I think most people are, right? Aren’t you?”
“Terrified,” I admitted with a smile.
“I was afraid of you,” he said simply. He settled one hand on the side of my belly, feeling for motion underneath the tight skin. I moved it up and to the right where I felt the baby, pressing his fingers in more firmly. When the baby did a tiny little kick, I raised my eyebrow and he smiled, closing his eyes at the sensation. “It’s silly now, maybe, but touching you felt like I was tempting myself more than I could handle.” He swallowed. “Thought I’d have to get used to seeing you with someone else. Someone better for you.”
Bruises on our hearts were so slow to heal, and I knew that this one would take time for both of us. And that was okay. In conversations like this, open and honest and extending grace to the other person for however they might feel would make this relationship a lasting one.
It wasn’t in having similar personalities because we definitely didn’t have that, and it wasn’t in the chemistry that helped us cross the first line. It was shared values, and it was understanding. Every day, it was choosing to see the best in each other.
I sighed, leaning forward to give him a soft kiss. Jax’s hands tightened on my hips as his tongue brushed lightly against mine.
“There’s no one better for me than you,” I spoke against his lips, imbuing those simple words with every ounce of what I felt for him, the way I trusted him, the truth of who I knew him to be, the sheer rightness of the two of us together. “There never has been, and there never will be.”
For a moment, we sat there, trading breath and staring into each other’s eyes. We were so close, I could see every nuance of color in his eyes, see that all those reservations that had haunted him before were cleared away and gone.
Now there was just love. Perfect, sweet, head-spinning love.
Tilting his head, Jax took my lips in a fierce kiss, a deep, possessive groan rattling his chest and yanking the hairs up on the back of my neck. When his tongue licked hot against mine, I let out a small whimper as I snaked my arms around his shoulders and dug my fingers into his thick hair.
There was a devastating effect to kissing Jax Cartwright, how something relatively simple could slice through my very being. I’d never take this for granted. Never.
And I knew, as he kissed me so thoroughly, made me feel so incredibly wanted and sexy and confident, that this is how it was going to be between me and this man. Jax’s hand moved up, and deftly, he filled his palm with one aching breast, handling it gently like I’d asked, soft, teasing brushes against the hardened tip until my hips moved restlessly.
My hands dug between us and pulled frantically at his belt while we panted against each other’s mouths.
“Here?” he whispered, tugging at my bottom lip with his teeth.
“Here.” I leaned forward and ran my tongue along the shell of his ear, relishing the way he shuddered. “Can you be quiet enough?” I whispered back.
Jax pulled his head back so that his gaze locked on mine, two blunt fingers moving between my legs to wrench my underwear to the side and sliding inside me. “Can you?” he asked with a daring lift to his eyebrow.
