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“Mommy and Daddy in the hospital too?”
“They were there that day too, yeah,” I told her.
As I watched her face, I found myself holding my breath. The last time Chris and Amie had come up, the whole evening had turned to utter shit. But Mira simply snuggled back into the couch, turning her legs to the side so that she could press her feet tight against my thigh while we watched.
“Why do you do that?” I asked her. “The foot thing. You’re always pushing your feet against me while we watch something.”
Instead of answering, she clutched the duck closer to her chest and glued her eyes to the screen, her little feet pressing against my legs.
I sighed, pulling my book from the end table by the couch. My phone was next to it, and I noticed the screen lighting up.
Valentine:What’s she doing? Is she okay?
Me:We’re watching a movie. She’s fine, relax.
Valentine:Do you realize that telling a woman to relax when she’s worried about something has literally never achieved the desired results?
Me:Valentine, I’d never dream of you listening to me anyway, so it was an empty directive.
Valentine:At least you’re aware.
I set my phone down with a beleaguered sigh.
There were a million reasons I’d gone so long on my own. It wasn’t a lack of options—being a football player alone made it disgustingly easy, if that had been the path I wanted to take.
It wasn’t even a lack of attraction. I’d met women who were beautiful, funny, and smart. I’d met women who piqued my interest.
But once you’d learned how to cage your instincts, it was almost impossible to unleash them at the right time.
My whole life, I’d known that starting a family wasn’t for me. I’d never, ever risk repeating the cycle I’d been born into. The one my mum had gotten us out of. The wall I’d built around those particular wants and desires was thick concrete. My own Hoover Dam, holding back torrents of emotion.
So, yeah, I said stupid shit to Zoe, like telling her to relax when I damn well knew she wouldn’t relax.
With that thought in my head, I dozed off while the movie played in the background and Mira’s tiny feet arched into my leg from time to time.
When it was over, she stayed curled up on the couch, her eyes drowsy.
I studied her face. “You feel okay, duck?”
“I just tired,” she said.
My brows furrowed. She never admitted she was tired, even if shewastired. “Let’s go get ready for bed then, yeah?”
Mira clutched her duck in one hand and dragged it up the stairs behind her.
She didn’t put up a single fuss when I brushed her teeth, which was my second hint that something wasn’t quite right. She perched quietly on the bathroom counter and opened wide when I wielded her sparkly pink toothbrush.
“You sure you’re all right?” I asked.
Mira nodded, then held her arms out so that I could help her get down from the counter. Gently, I lifted her off the edge and settled herfeet on the floor. Mira walked quietly back into her room, gathering the necessary stuffed animals and tossing them into her crib.
I set her inside, and she gave me a big-eyed look that made me want to tear my ribs out.
“I kiss you,” she said.
My heart turned over, remembering what Zoe had told me. I leaned down, smoothing the hair off her face, and pressed a featherlight kiss onto her forehead.
Her incredibly warm forehead.
