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“Fuck no.”
“That’s probably why he didn’t ask,” Trey answered smoothly.
“Well, isn’t that fucking logical,” I snapped. “But he still didn’t explain it. I can’t ... I can’t wrap my head around any of it. Why it feels different now and why it seems easier, because it shouldn’t. I’m not good at any of this.”
Blood churned hot in my veins, and my heart was thudding in my ears, a rapid-fire drum that I couldn’t slow. My fist clenched, and I felt that urge.
Pick something up and throw it.
Smash a chair against a wall, just to have an outlet.
Trey saw it in my eyes too, because he didn’t look away. The asshole hardly blinked.
“Would it matter if he’d explained it? If he’d written a big heartfelt letter telling you all the reasons why you’d be perfect for her?” Trey’s eyes burned, and I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. “Would you have believed him?”
The denial stuck deep in my throat. I’d need a fucking crowbar to pry it loose, and it would likely make me bleed if I managed to get it out. Rip at an artery, something vital that I wouldn’t be able to fix.
No.
I wouldn’t have believed him. No matter what he would’ve said.
Trey nodded slowly, and I knew the answer was clear in my eyes.
Richards glanced between us. “Y’all talk about some deep shit in this locker room,” he said quietly. “My last team, all we talked about was football and women.”
A few guys laughed, and I managed to exhale some of my tension.
“What about the stuff in his locker?” Richards added.
My head snapped in his direction. “What do you mean?”
“Did you ever look through that stuff? You know, after you had that last temper tantrum where you shoved everything into a box and pretended like you were ready to move on.”
Someone whistled.
I took a step closer to Richards, chin lifted defiantly. “Pretended?” I asked, voice dangerous and low.
And that little fucker, he shrugged. “Just calling it for what it is. You’re clearly not over anything. That’s why you were asking for advice about the friend and why you’re asking this now. You keep all that shit locked down until there’s nowhere for it to go.”
His words haunted me the entire drive home, as did the telling silence coming from my teammates.
Probably because he was right.
I drove aimlessly, in no rush to get home, because I knew that I’d have to open that stupid box only to come up empty-handed. Only to wind up frustrated yet again.
The sun was starting to set when I finally pulled into the garage, and I took a moment with my head resting back against the seat before I went into the house.
I wondered when the thought of Zoe and Mira in there waiting for me would feel normal. When the sight of them together wouldn’t gut me the way it had that morning. The two of them cuddled in bed, her hair a bloody nightmare, so beautiful that my heart locked tight in my chest.
I didn’t want to feel anything like that when I saw her. Saw them together. I didn’t want to shoulder this overwhelming burden that would never go away.
Because somehow they both felt like mine.
Mine to take care of.
To protect.
And that also meant they were mine to hurt. Mine to ruin with all the shit that ran through my head.
