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I covered my face. “Shut up.”
Despite my embarrassment, I couldn’t unglue myself from the window. Lizette was instructing Mira to kick, helping aim her body toward Liam, who waited with a patient almost smile and outstretched hands.
My mistake was moving slightly to the side, because the movement caught Liam’s attention. His eyes snapped to mine, and I couldn’t move out of sight quickly enough.
He arched an eyebrow, his lips curving up on one side when I narrowed my eyes.
Begrudgingly, I walked out of the kitchen and flopped onto the couch. “This is not me, Mom. I don’t get jealous of other women. Especially not for something as superficial as their looks.”
She hummed knowingly again. “No, but you’ve also never been in this kind of situation before.”
“No shit.” I rubbed my forehead. “Until last night, I didn’t realize how I’d slipped into a tired-mom rut until I was out with some other moms. All I was thinking about was surviving the day-to-day.”
“Taking care of yourself is vital when you’ve got a little human depending on you.” She had her counselor face on.
“I know. It’s just ... easy to forget. I feel guilty.”
She made a sound of understanding. “Guilt is just a feeling, honey. It’s not a bad feeling that we have to avoid. It means you care about Mira. But just don’t get so stuck in it that you can’t move forward.”
I nodded. “Feelings aren’t facts,” I said, something I’d heard from her for years.
She smiled. “I’m glad he did that for you,” she said.
I dropped my hand and stared for a second. “I am too, but ... it’s confusing. I’ve always known certain things to be true about Liam, and now ...” My voice trailed off.
“Now they’re not true?”
“That’s the thing. He’s still kind of a dick. But he’s not. Or he pretends like he’s a dick, but he’s actually a very thoughtful person.” I groaned. “That’s what I don’t know.”
“From what you’ve told me, he’s got very high walls up. He’s probably never had to let them down before.”
I sighed. “The highest walls. I’ve heard him say over and over that he never wanted a family, that it’s not for him. But I have no idea why he says that or, even worse, why he genuinely believes it.”
Silence bloomed between my mom and me as she studied my face. I had her eyes, and it was unnerving to see them pinned on me with such precision.
“You like him. That’s why this is triggering you.”
There was no accusation in her voice, but it wasn’t really a question either. Just a statement of fact.
This time it was harder to slip into the no-bullshit mode. My mom could always read my face, which was a double-edged sword. She wasalso a therapist, so I couldn’t talk my way around something she knew to be true.
“I don’t want to like him, if that helps.” Maybe I sounded a little petulant about it.
She smiled. Then she left me space to continue.
“And I don’t know that I trust what I feel about him.”
“That’s an interesting distinction. Tell me more about that.”
“Are you shrinking me right now?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I laughed. But the smile faded quickly. Next to me on the couch was the blanket that I’d used to cover Liam and Mira when they slept the night before.
“Rosa and her friends have this book club,” I told her. “And they read all these spicy books. She always tells me about them because, until recently, I never joined in. Every once in a while, I pick one up because I like to read a little bit before I fall asleep.”
My mom smiled. “I can’t tell you how many times I found you with a book on your pillow when you were little.”
