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Trey:I love you too.
Me:I’m knocking your ass to the ground in practice. No holding back.
Trey:Good. You just keep proving me right, and there’s nothing I enjoy more than that.
When I set my phone down again, Mira ran up to the couch.
She poked at my cheek. “You smiling?”
“No.”
It made no sense that my gruff response didn’t deter her in the slightest. But she smiled, giggling at whatever she saw on my face.
I wasn’t like Chris.
Zoe wasn’t like Amie.
We were both just muddling through each day, trying to do our best in a shit situation that neither of us had asked for. Most of the time, I could hardly make sense of this place where the three of us had ended up. And I was an adult; I had more than three decades of life under my belt.
Mira was so little. Her entire world revolved around what she could see and touch and experience. And right now that was me and Zoe.
“Sometimes I wonder what you think about when you look at us, duck,” I said quietly.
She’d never tried to call us Mum and Dad, and I was thankful for that. It was already hard enough to be in my position, trying desperately to be something that I’d never wanted to be. Even though I’d made peace with it, there was still this gaping hole that would never quite heal. A wound that would never be erased, because this strange family unit had been cobbled together from something unnatural.
One who wanted it more than anything.
One who didn’t.
And one who had no choice in the matter.
Someday, Zoe would find someone. She was too beautiful and too fucking perfect not to. Where would that leave me? Leave Mira?
Mira sensed the shift in my mood, perceptive little shit that she was.
Tentatively, she climbed onto my lap, something she didn’t usually do. I kept my hands on the couch. Zoe was the cuddler, and we all knew it. But Mira settled her slight weight onto me and studied my face.
In turn, I studied hers.
She was tired. I knew the signs now.
“What is it?” I asked her. “And, no, I’m not reading that book again, so don’t even think about asking with that little face you make. It won’t work.”
Mira blinked, and I got the oddest sensation that she was looking into my fucking soul or something.
After another moment, she finally asked, “I hold you?”
Something tight and hard lodged itself in my lungs. It was big and wildly uncomfortable. My breath came faster, and my pulse thundered in my ears.
This entire time, I’d held myself back from Mira, and not once had Zoe called me out on it, even though she had every right. But could I say no to her now?
I couldn’t. I’d never forgive myself if I did.
Somehow, I managed a jerky nod, and in the next heartbeat, she snuggled herself onto my chest, settling her head just under my chin.
Despite her request to hold me, Mira tucked her hands underneath her own body. Carefully, I settled my arms around her, holding her as tight as I dared.
The weight of her against my chest shouldn’t have felt so warm, so sweet and heavy. But it was. It was all those things.
