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But I didn’t. I had no interest in talking to the enforcer of the Devil’s Chaos Motorcycle Club this morning. My fragile sense of safety had been cracked by Maddox last night, but I refused to cry in someone’s arms about it. If I let Hayes get close enough, I would collapse. I would give in to the familiarity of him and try to ease some of the crushing fear that lingered despite the alcohol I’d attempted to mask it with. So, instead, I said, “Go away.”
Snapping out his hand, Hayes gripped my bicep and pulled me to a stop. Fuck, I was too hung over for this shit. I yanked my arm away, glaring at him even though he couldn’t see my eyes past the dark tint of my sunglasses.
He folded his arms over his chest, the two chunky silver rings on his fingers catching the sun. “I just want to talk.”
“There’s nothing to fucking talk about.”
“Bullshit. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
I rounded on him, my chest pinching with the memories of when I would find comfort in his arms rather than away from them. Hayes Lawson was a bittersweet reminder of my past—a reminder of the times I spent with him and my brother. When we were kids, it was us against the world, and I’d never wanted itto end. It was only after my mother’s death that I’d allowed him into my bed, craving comfort again.
Shaking my head, I held his steely gaze. “You mean you haven’t seen me while watching the garage over the last few weeks?”
At least he looked chagrinned. “Come on, Alex. I made a promise.”
A dagger through the heart.
That was the feeling in my chest.
Of course, Luca had made his best friend promise to look out for me. Even his death hadn’t broken the pact between them.
“Luca has been dead and gone for two years now.” My words were delivered with a cruelty I instantly regretted. “I’m pretty sure he’d let you off the hook on this one.”
Hayes’s eyes shuttered at the mention of my brother’s name, and I caught a glimpse of the man who had risen to the rank of enforcer faster than any other member of the Devil’s Chaos Motorcycle Club. If I’d had a fucked-up childhood, it was nothing compared to the early life lessons Hayes had been subjected to.
There had been a time when I thought I could fix him—make him whole again—but I’d been delusional. It was a lesson I’d learned the hard way, leaving whatever friendship we once had in a tattered mess on the ground.
Uncomfortable with the tense silence, I asked, “What do you want?”
“To see how you’re doing.”
“Fine.” I gestured to my body. “As you can see. So, why don’t you run back to the clubhouse and slide back in between the sheets with whatever club whore is currently warming your bed?”
“Come on, Alex,” he said, his jaw tight with irritation. “I made a mistake. Can’t we get past it?”
Yes, he’d made a mistake, but it was a mistake that had taught me a very important lesson: trusting someone who was part of a motorcycle club was a bad idea. They would always choose the club over me, and I was tired of being second best.
It did make me wonder, though. If he hadn’t fucked around with one of the club girls and betrayed my trust, would we still have been together? Would I never have met Maddox? Would I currently be free of him?
“Jesus, what happened, Alex?”
I was taken aback by his question, only then realizing I’d started crying. Mourning what I’d lost with him. Grieving having someone I could talk to about it all.
“Talk to me.”
Hayes reached for me, and for a split second, I wanted his comfort. I wanted to be surrounded by him, to cling to that feeling of protection. My emotions and memories were tangled together, and his proximity did nothing to dull them. Unable to resist the pull of the past, I let him hold me, and I inhaled the scent of leather from his cut, the faint smell of gasoline and gun oil. His strong arms banded around my back, holding me close to the solid warmth of his body. I remembered when I could reach for Hayes whenever I’d wanted, knowing he would be there for me.
But that wasn’t us anymore.
I stepped back suddenly, wrapping my arms around my middle. As quickly as the wall around my heart had fallen, I rebuilt it—bigger and stronger than before.
“You’ve done what you came to do.” My voice was edged with steel. “Goodbye, Hayes.”
Spinning around, I continued my search for caffeine. Hayes cursed loudly enough for me to hear, then his bike started. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let the last of my tears fall as he roared past me.
I arrived at Red Velvet five minutes later. Pushing inside, I was greeted with the scents of freshly brewed coffee, chocolate, and vanilla. After a quick perusal of the dessert cabinet, I placed my coffee order, then stepped to one side to wait. While I waited, I scrolled through my social media accounts and got lost in other people’s worlds for a few minutes.
“Alex?” the girl behind the counter called.
