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“He’s dead?”
“He was when I left him. Unless he’s the fucking anti-Christ, I think he’s staying down.”
She licked her bottom lip, and my cock stood at attention. “You did this. For me? To try and win me back?”
“No, Filly. I did it so you could finally feel safe again.”
Tears welled in her eyes quickly, but she blinked them away. “I do feel safe, Orin. When I’m with you I feel like nothing, and nobody can touch me.”
“They can’t.”
“But you killing the man who instigated my rape isn’t going to be enough.”
What the fuck else did she want from me then? “You want my life, too? I’ve never been afraid to die, Fallon.” I pulled the Glock from behind my back and held it to my head.
Fallon’s eyes widened as she jumped up from the couch and dragged my arm down. “I don’t want you to die, Orin. The only thing I want from you is the truth.Yourtruth.” The tears were back, and she let them fall this time. “Good or bad, ugly or beautiful, I love you and want to know you completely, but I can’t do that until I know who you were before you became who you are.”
I hardly heard what she’d said, because all my mind could do was stay stuck on the wordsI love you. “You love me?”
She nodded, a tear dripping from her cheek. “I do. I love you even though I know I shouldn’t, but …” She gripped my hand, prying the gun from my fingers. She placed it on the table, then stared up into my face. “I need to hear it all. There is nothing you can say that will scare me away. I promise you that.”
My heart slammed against my ribs in an attempt to get out—to get to her since she owned it now in any case. Could I tell her everything? Nobody—not one person knew the whole dirty truth of my childhood, but as I looked into her eyes, I realized that’s exactly what I didn’t want to do anymore. I wanted someone to share that burden with, and that someone was standing in front of me—unflinchingly.
I nodded, and she drew me down onto the couch. I rarely went back to those times in my head, but for her, I would. I would deep dive back into the blackness, and hopefully, she would be the one to pull me out once I was done almost drowning.
“I’m an orphan.” My voice cracked over the words. “I was in the orphanage until I was ten. Nobody wanted me. But then, a day after my tenth birthday a couple adopted me. They couldn’t have children of their own. Originally, they were going to adopt a baby, but my adoptive mother told me later that as soon as she saw me, she knew I was the one that needed their love.”
Fallon reached out and took my hand, squeezing it, lending me strength.
Taking in a shuddering breath, I continued, “The first couple of years living with them had been great, but when I was twelve and a half, they both died in a freak car accident involving a tractor. It was winter, and the road was slick with ice. They didn’t stand a chance.
“I fell into the foster system then. I was too old to be adopted, but a nice family who was already fostering another kid took me in. Blakely was the other kid.”
“The woman who took us in that first night?”
I nodded. “I keep tabs on her now that I know where she is again. I thought I’d found my forever home. For years, things were perfect. I was doing well in school. I played rugby. My foster parents came to all the matches, too. It was the happiest I’d ever been … until my foster mother, Dee, was told she had relapsed. Her ovarian cancer was back and more aggressive than before. Within four months, she was dead. My foster father fell apart. Started to drink, and after a welfare check, it was decided that Blakely and I would be placed with other families. We wanted to stay together, but the family that agreed to take me in only wanted me and not her. She went to live somewhere in the south of the country while I stayed around Galway.
“The couple who took me in only wanted a boy because they were part of a child sex ring. I …” My breath halted in my throat, my thoughts frozen on that time.
“You don’t have to … if you don’t want to,” Fallon said, tears dripping from her eyes.
I stared at her beautiful face and knew I had no choice. Whether I lost her for telling her the truth or lost her for not telling her, the floodgates had been opened, and I was powerless to stop the tide.
“The woman, Ava, would drug me. When I woke up, I’d be tied down, and she would be on top of me, getting me hard with her mouth. I remember the first time I woke up, I didn’t know what was happening. I’d never felt the sensation before. There was a noise, and I turned my head to see that a camera had been set up on a tripod. There was a red light blinking, and I remembered counting it while the woman sat on my cock and took my virginity from me.”
There was a sob, and I caught Fallon balling her hand over her mouth. She mouthed the wordsI’m so sorryto me, and as much as I wanted to hold her, I restrained myself. What if, after she learned of everything, she didn’t want me to touch her again?
I cleared my throat. “Her husband sat on the other side of the camera with his cock out, masturbating to the scene. It went on like this for years, and although I tried to either stay awake so I couldn’t be drugged or run away, they were always there. I was still attending school though since that was the only place I could truly relax. One day, the coach of the rugby team approached me and asked about the bruises on my arse. He’d seen them while we were showering after training. I broke down and told him everything. About a week later, the cops arrived and raided the house. I slipped out while no one was watching me, but I hung around to watch them both being hauled away.”
“What happened to them?”
“A couple of years in prison for him, and seven years for her.”
“That’s so wrong.”
I nodded. “So there I was, sixteen and without a home for the fourth time in my life. I had no interest in going back into the foster system, so I lied about my age and joined the army. I was tall for my age, and since I’d played rugby on and off for years, I’d filled out. It was about six months into training when my sergeant noticed how good a shot I was. I went through expedited training to be a marksman. For the first time in my life, I felt powerful.
“I discharged when I was twenty-two and started freelancing in wet work, but not before I hunted down Ava and her husband and put a fucking bullet through their skulls. His kill was quick. I dragged out Ava’s, hurting her as much as she had hurt me. I thought killing her would bring me my greatest joy, but it was over too quickly, and afterward, I was left feeling … empty.”
