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Fuck.“Do I scare you?”
This time, she shook her head. “No. Youterrifyme.”
Fucking finally.
“But not in the way you think,” she added quickly. “I’m terrified by how much I want you.”
My eyes closed briefly before I peeled them back open and concentrated on the road. “All I have to offer you is pain.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You should.” The words came out on a harsh bark, and I immediately regretted raising my voice. “Look, I’m sorry, Fallon, but you drive me insane sometimes.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted you on your knees for me in that shower. I wanted to take what you were offering.”
She shifted her body around so she was facing me. “Why didn’t you? I wanted you to.”
Jesus, fuck, her words were like heaven on my ears. I contemplated telling her the truth—all the dirty details of my past, but I wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it all. What kind of woman would want a man who had had that done to him?
For the next few miles, we were silent. Until …
“I was gang raped when I was sixteen.”
My gaze flew to her, but she wasn’t looking at me. She was staring at her hands in her lap.
“I was dating an older guy at the time, and we’d gone out. Partying. Dancing. Drinking. I’d gone to the bathroom, and when I returned, he’d bought a drink for me.”
“What was his name?” I asked, and my voice didn’t sound like my own.
“His name doesn’t matter.”
My hand slapped at the steering wheel. She jumped in her seat, and I felt like an absolute asshole. “Tell me his goddamned name, Fallon!” As soon as the words were out, I regretted them. Not because of what I was demanding but because of the tone I’d used. “I’m sorry,” I managed to get out from between my gritted teeth. “I just …” I dragged a hand through my hair. “I want to peel the skin from his body and drape it at your feet.”
I sounded like a fucking unhinged psycho, but it wasn’t far from the truth. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep Fallon safe, even if that meant keeping her safe from me.
“Owen Ward.”
My jaw unclenched, and I stored that name away for later. “What did that bastard do to you?”
“He’d spiked my drink, then once the drug had taken effect, he, along with his four buddies, took me back to his place. I was conscious and aware the whole time, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t … couldn’t fight them off. Owen stood over me while it happened, watching it all with a spark of anticipation in his eyes. He always wore a Saint Patrick pendant, and he rubbed it with his thumb as he watched them take their turn with me.”
I swallowed down my burning rage, muting the darkness inside me.
“Sometimes, when I close my eyes, that’s all I can see. Instead of goodness, a saint represents horror and pain for me.” She shook her head. “After they were done, I had to lay there feeling their cum dripping out of me. I had to lay there and wonder whether they were coming back for more. I had to lay there, alone, while tears dripped down my face and wonder whether I had encouraged it or would get pregnant from the attack.”
Unable to stop myself, I reached out and gripped the back of her neck. “You didn’t deserve a fucking thing, you hear me?” I tightened my fingers until she looked at me. “You didn’t ask to be gang raped. No one ever asks for that shit.”
She nodded, the movement dislodging a tear that had been clinging to her cheek. She wiped the back of her hand over her face.
She continued with a broken voice, “After the drugs had left my system, I ran home to Grayson. I didn’t want him to see me like that, but there was nowhere else I wanted to be. He made me go to the hospital, where they performed a rape kit. I went to the police with that information, and the four men who raped me were charged and sent to prison.”
I will kill those bastards as soon as they get out. The dark thought stunned me—not because of the violence it promised, but because of how territorial and protective I felt of Fallon. Not that I should’ve been surprised. The woman was so deep under my skin that she was never coming out.
“They’re already dead,” she replied softly, and I realized I’d spoken that last thought out loud. “Grayson hunted down each and every one of them when they were released from prison. He made sure their deaths were just as violent as the violation of my body was on me.”
I squeezed her shoulder a little. “You’re so fucking brave, Filly.” I shook my head. “What I don’t understand is how you’re okay with another man touching you.”
