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“I never really knew the guy, notin any sense that mattered anyway. I know he loves me but he nevertreated me the way you treat Anna,” I said before searching hiseyes. When I thought I’d see pity in those sea-colored eyes I foundnothing but empathy. “I think he blamed me for the way his lifeturned out. As if I was the one that asked to be born. He wasalways just a fixture in our house that my mom and I had to put upwith. And believe me, that was a feat in and of itself.” I lookedaway from Ian and disassociated from the world around me.
“He treated my mom like shit fortheir whole marriage. Maybe that’s why I always steered clear ofboys in general,” I muttered almost to myself. “You always hearthat you tend to date men who are a lot like your own father. Maybeon a subconscious level, I saw how shitty he treated Mom and knew Iwouldn’t allow that to be me.” The back of my eyes burned withtears I refused to let fall. I wouldn’t shed any more tears forthat bastard.
Ian rubbed his thumb against mylower lip at my admission, bringing me back to the now with him.“When I found out he shot her,” I swallowed thickly. “It was thescariest day of my life.” My voice wobbled as I spoke. “How couldsomeone you built your life with not only ruin your self-esteem,but also cheat on you and then try and take your life? It’s all sofucked up.”
Ian pulled me up his body then. Hekissed my lips as he crushed me to him. Before I knew it, I wasunderneath him. He held onto me like I was a lifeline as he nuzzledhis nose against mine.
“I have no idea, but I promise youI will never be that way with you, Lindsey. I know this is allgoing really fast but the way I feel for you … it’s hard to putinto words,” he whispered. For the first time since I met him, heseemed at a loss for words.
I felt unhashed emotion clog mythroat as I left the past where it belonged and brought myself backto the now with him. I knew exactly what he was talking about but Ididn’t want to be the one that said it first. I was afraid if I didthen I would look like a starry-eyed child in his eyes and not thelover I wanted to be.
“If you let me, I will show youwhat a good man is supposed to act like. I’ll teach you all theways a man is supposed to treat a woman. With respect and dignityand … love.” He spoke the word against my lips in a hushed tone asif he’d scare me away. “We are supposed to build each other up andhelp the other strive for greatness. We’re supposed to love them nomatter what. I will give you everything you’ve ever wanted andneeded. Will you let me do that for you, Lindsey?”
I had no words left to speak atthat moment. I watched the emotion swirling around in his eyes andknew without a doubt that he was telling me the truth. He wouldgive me the moon if I asked for it.
I wrapped my arms around his neckand nodded before sealing my lips to his. I still didn’t know howeverything would pan out with our relationship in the long run orwith Anna when this was all over. But I did know that I wantedeverything he offered and more. It was no longer just about sex, itwas about that and so much more. The future may be uncertain, but Iwasn’t.
Chapter Nineteen
The soft crackle of the fireseemed to soothe my soul as Ian and I sat adjacent to one anotheron the oversized couch. My feet were propped on his lap with a softblanket covering them up to my hips. My book between my fingers wasalmost all but forgotten as I tried to catch little glances at theimmaculate beauty next to me. I smiled behind the pages as Iglanced over the binding at him.
He looked so at odds with the manthat had taken my innocence only hours ago. As it was, he sat withhis laptop on the side of the couch staring intently at the screen.When he pulled his computer up into position, I promptly tried tomove my feet so he could have the use of his lap. He’d simplygrabbed onto the souls of my fuzzy-socked feet and refused to letme move. It was a small movement but I melted nonetheless.Something so domestic as having my feet on his lap shouldn’t causeme to have this foreign warm feeling in my belly, but it did.
We’d ventured in here eventuallyafter spending hours in his bed. After we talked about our pastsand my apparent fear of abandonment, we’d spent time just being inone another’s company. It had been nice to just lay with him andenjoy the moment without feeling as though we had to fill it withwords.
We reluctantly left the privacy ofhis bed when my stomach made it apparent that it was time to eat.We both dressed in our comfiest PJs and ventured into the kitchen.Ian had tried to convince me to let him cook but I politelydeclined. It would be silly to cook a whole meal for us two whenthere was still Anna’s leftover lasagna in the fridge.
I allowed him the small courtesyof warming the plates up, though. He seemed determined to spoil meand wait on me hand and foot so who was I to turn him down? It feltway too nice to have someone take care of me for a change.
The dining table seemed way toobig for just us two to sit at so we opted to sit at the bar in thekitchen. We sat side by side but as if our bodies gravitated towardeach other, we ended up facing one another. Our legs tangledtogether as we ate our meal. It seemed that with every bite I tookIan would stop and watch me as I pushed the fork past my lips. Iwould blush each time I caught him and he would just grin at me.Both of us could feel the unspoken sexual draw toward one another.It gathered around us so thickly it was hard to breathe.
Eventually, both of our meals layhalf-eaten in front of us as we found other ways of entertainingour mouths. I wasn’t sure how it happened but I ended up straddlinghis hips while he remained on his barstool. I used the height ofthe position to my advantage as I boldly explored his lips with myown.
I thoroughly enjoyed taking mytime to learn his every nook and cranny. The way his facial hairtickled my lips with each kiss was something I wanted permanentlyingrained in my memory. I learned that he really liked it when Inibbled on his bottom lip before plunging my tongue past to tasteinside. The subtle flex of his hands on my ass urged me on as Iexplored. He also liked having his hair tugged and pulled on justas much as I did if his groans were any indication. I could almostfeel the way his heart raced against my lips as I kissed the pulsepoint on his neck. He skillfully restrained himself as I kissed upto his ear before softly breathing into it as I sucked his earlobepast my teeth. That move made his cock jump against my ass throughhis thin pajama pants.
Both of us were panting by thetime we came up for air. I could still feel deep twinges of arousalin my core from it hours later. The way he had felt pressed upagainst my seam made my mouth water. He was hard and just as needyas I was.
In the end, it was him that pulledaway first. “You’ll be too sore. You need a break from me,” hemurmured as his hands slid up my sides toward my breasts. In theback of my mind, I knew he was right. I was already feeling theachiness from our earlier activities. But I didn’t care. I wantedhim at that moment as much as I wanted my next breath. The thoughtof fucking him in the kitchen topped the list of the things Iwanted to do this evening. It seemed taboo and the new Lindseywanted to explore all taboo things with Ian.
As much as I wanted to shove thebitch down and take him right there in the kitchen, logical Lindseywon out in the end. I nodded quietly as I slid off his lap. Atwinge of regret flashed in his eyes briefly before he cleared histhroat and stood with me. I grinned at that. I was glad I wasn’tthe only one under the lusty spell I found myself in.
We’d cleaned up our plates and heled me into the den shortly after. After grabbing his laptop and mybook, he sat me on the couch and covered me up as if I might catcha draft without the soft blanket. Though I had the blanket and Isat in front of the fire, those things had nothing to do with theheat I was feeling. No, that feeling came from the man next tome.
He had a little crease between hiseyebrows as if he found the contents on the glowing screenextremely interesting. Now and again he would twist and type a fewsentences on the keyboard before returning his hands to my feet.The way he rubbed his thumbs against my arches was doing wickedthings to my libido.
It was ridiculous really. We’djust had mind-blowing sex and I’d been fully satisfied, but I stillfound myself craving more. I thought it had nothing to do with theway he was rubbing my feet and just the fact that it was him doingit. I really didn’t know if the newness of this relationship wouldwear off eventually but I couldn’t help the feeling that maybe itwould always be like this. A girl could only hope so.
My mind replayed how barbaric hewas when he slammed into me hours ago. The way his face contortedwith pleasure was like a painting my mind memorized. I could stillfeel the ghost of his tongue against me as he ate me like I was hislast meal on death row.
The words on the page in front ofme blurred together as sexual tension surrounded me. My nipplespuckered and my core clenched as all of my being focused on hisworking fingers. I wiggled my toes at the same time I clenched mythighs together. I could feel fresh dampness coating my panties asI tried to quiet my need.
My heart pumped viciously as Istared blankly at the pages between my fingers.Was he feelingthe same tension I was?Curiosity won out as I glanced over mybook once more to meet a devious grin flashing my way. My breathhitched at the same time I felt his hard cock throb against myheels.
We stared at one another for along moment. Neither of us said a word as the thin string ofrestraint became thinner between us. I could hear my heartbeat inmy ears and wondered if he could hear it too. When I saw theflicker of heat in his darkening eyes, the string snapped.
I tossed my book to the side as helunged for me. His laptop crashed to the floor with our suddenmovement but neither of us cared. The moment his lips sealed tomine I whimpered my need as I tore at his clothes.
He was just as desperate as me ashe roughly grabbed the blanket between us and tossed it to theside. The sound that emitted from his throat as he sat up wasalmost primal. He gripped the opening of my button-up top andripped it open, exposing my naked breasts. Buttons went flying andscattered along the floor around us but I didn’t care. I wasdesperate in my need for him as I clawed at his t-shirt-coveredtorso.
