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Chapter One
When I was in middle school, Imade a complete fool out of myself in front of my entire class. Ihad been walking up to turn in an assignment and face-planted inthe middle of the row of desks. Melonie Turner stuck her perfectlymanicured foot out, effectively fumbling my forward advance. Ipromptly tripped over her and the papers in my hands went flying.Of course, kids of such an adolescent age thought the occurrencewas one of the funniest they had ever seen. While I was nursingsore elbows and pride, everyone else laughed.
When I looked up at Melonie, shesmirked down at me before whispering, “It took your lard ass waytoo long to stop jiggling after that tumble, Lindsey.” She thenproceeded to act as though I had intentionally stepped on her foot.I may have broken a bone, she said, just another way to poke at myweight. She limped to the school nurse while I gathered my papershastily and readjusted my glasses.
I was thoroughly humiliated andcoined a new nickname that year, courtesy of Melonie, obviously.Lardy Lindseyis what they called me. The creativity ofmiddle school minds was a laughable thing. I had always been on thebigger size of the spectrum compared to most girls, especiallygirls like Melonie, so that was always the easiest thing for cruelkids to attack. Though it may not have been the most original namea group of cackling preteens could come up with, it was effectivein enhancing my mortification.
Up until this point in my life,that had been the single most humiliating experience I had evergone through. As I had grown, I learned to laugh off any otherembarrassing moments. Somehow, I didn’t think I would be able tolaugh this one off as I stared up at Ian from my spot on thefloor.
You know when you drive by a carcrash and you get told not to look? And you try, I mean really try,not to look. But eventually, curiosity gets the better of you, andit’s almost as if you’re forced to look. And then you can’t lookaway no matter what.
That’s what happened to me. Iremembered I had seen Ian in the crowd of wedding guests and thenext I was trapped in the world’s most intense staring contest withhim. I had been unable to look away from him the moment I spottedhim. It was as if his presence sucked me in and wouldn’t releaseme.
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“You look absolutely stunning,Aunt Jill. And the wedding was perfect,” I said as I hugged Jillaround her neck. It wasn’t an exaggeration when I thought she wasthe most stunning bride I think I’d ever seen. A lot of women withher petite frame would be gobbled up in all the tulle that camealong with a wedding dress. But not her.
The tightly fitted bodice of thedress clung to her every curve and accentuated them even more. Herhair and makeup were immaculate in a way that most would never beable to imitate. I was firmly jealous of her slender body andperfect posterior. Where she was slim and fit, I was soft and whatI would consider pudgy.
Even though everyone always toldme I held my weight well for my build, it didn’t stop that littlevoice in the back of my brain that screamed I wasn’t as pretty asthe other girls around me. The one that always spoke too loudlyevery time I pushed any food past my lips. It yelled I’d never beable to find a good man to love me the way others seemed to befinding without even trying. That voice sounded vaguely like myfather’s.
That’s on Daddy issues,Iinternally scolded myself as I squeezed Jill. This was no place tothink of that monster and what he had done to my family.
“Thank you, Lyns.” Her smilebeamed my way as she released me and stepped back only to hold myhands. “I’m glad you and your mom were able to talk me downearlier,” she mumbled as she gave Damon the side eye. I couldalmost see her sigh of relief when she realized he hadn’t heardher. He was too busy talking with his brothers.
I giggled as I squeezed her handsin mine. “Are you kidding me? Like we would ever let you talkyourself out of keeping a guy like Damon,” I said in a hushed toneso as not to raise suspicion. Even though Jill had overcome a lotof her past, her insecurities still shined through under times ofstress. And anyone who has ever been involved in one knows howstressful weddings can be.
It’s not like she tried to talkherself out of marrying Damon, it’s just that she had to bereassured she was indeed good enough for a guy like him. As one ofher maids of honor, it was my mom’s and my job to kick her ass whenshe started having doubts.
Jill beamed at me one last timebefore releasing my hands as Damon approached. The way they lookedat each other sparked feelings of yearning I didn’t think werepossible for me to have.
I’d never had a boyfriend unlessyou count that one date I went on with Georgie Bluff in juniorhigh. We were barely sixteen at the time and all we did was holdhands at the local movie theater while watching some gory zombiemovie. I grinned now when I thought back on the craptasticdate.
He had asked me out and I had beenso quiet and shy back then that I hadn’t had the gall to say Ireally wasn’t interested. He’d picked me up in his mom’s old DodgeNeon and we’d split the cost of tickets. I even bought my ownpopcorn. Why he ever thought I would make out with him in thebackseat after the movie was beyond me.
There had been other times incollege when I had gone a little further with some guys after a fewtoo many drinks, but it had never been more than some kissing.
That’s right, I was going to be atwenty-one-year-old woman in just a couple of days and I didn’thave any experience with the opposite sex. How pathetic wasthat?
It’s not like I was saving myselffor marriage or anything like that. It’s just that I had never metany man that sparked that part of me. Well, all except for oneman.
I shook my head to clear mythoughts. Now was not the time to think about Dr. Young. It was achildish fantasy, for one thing. We had only had one encounter butfor some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. To think a manlike that would want anything to do with someone like me was acruel joke.
I mean, sure, I wasn’t completelyunfortunate-looking. I had a pretty enough face. I liked my eyesand my long dark hair, but come on. The thought of an older guylike him even having a single fleeting thought about me wasridiculous. But I couldn’t fool myself into thinking that when webumped into one another at the hospital, it hadn’t made me feel …something. Just the thought of him sparked feelings inside me Ihonestly didn’t think were possible.
I pushed those inappropriatethoughts aside as I watched Damon envelop Jill into his arms andkiss her like his life depended on it. I couldn’t stop the blushfrom staining my cheeks as his hands wandered lower toward herbehind. His smile when he released her lips was enough to make anysingle woman beg to have a love like that. I couldn’t hear what hewhispered so close to her ear but whatever it was made Jill throwher head back and laugh.
I looked away from the intimatescene in front of me and watched my mother who looked on toward thenewlyweds with such love in her eyes. Heath and Reid flanked bothof her sides and were touching her lovingly. It was like they wereinseparable. Heath was the first to trail his hand up my mom’s neckand nudge her chin in his direction. She grinned before meeting himhalfway for a tantalizing kiss. Mom hadn’t even fully opened hereyes before Reid was pulling her toward him for their own sensualkiss.
I couldn’t keep the smile from mylips as I looked away. I was so happy she finally had found theending she always deserved.
Emily and Leo were the next inthis wedding party. I always thought Emily was a happy-go-luckyperson, but I think that may have been a mask all this time.Because as I looked at her situated in Leo’s arms, she truly lookedhappy.
I was surrounded by happy couplesand I felt an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I mean, sure, Iwas only twenty. I had my whole life ahead of me. Plenty of time todate and meet new people. I could have any life I wanted.
So, why did I want exactly whatwas in front of me?
I didn’t want to party as my peersdid. I didn’t want to sleep around with a bunch of different peopleand figure out what I liked. I wanted to meet the person I wassupposed to be with for the rest of my life. I wanted to feel likeI belonged.
