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“And he did this to you?” she asks angrily.
“Yes, but it was something that needed to be done. Don’tblame him.”
“How bad does he look?”
“A busted lip,” I tell her, wondering if she’s going where I think she’s going with this.
“That’s it?” She’s getting angrier by the minute, if the telltale sign of her clenched fists are any indication.
“Yes, that’s it.”
She considers me for a minute before her expression turns to one of pain. I try to pull her in my arms, but she pushes against my ribs, making me wince a little. She notices my wince, and her look of pain turns to anguish.
“You just stood there and took it, didn’t you?” she chokes out.
I try again to bring her to me, but she shakes her head, halting my movement.
“Answer me,” she says, loudly.
“Fuck, Pix, yes I just stood there. I stood there and took every one of his hits, because I deserve to hurt for what I did to you. I stood there, because I needed to feel some of the pain you went through. The pain may have come a different way, but I still needed it. The guilt I feel for what happened is something that will never go away. If I can appease it, even just a little bit, then that’s what I’ll do.”
She’s silent after my explanation. The tears and hurt I see in her eyes make me want to rip my own heart out for hurting her again. I didn’t mean to upset her with my words, but I need to make her see that.
Not able to stand the distance between us anymore, I snake my hands out and yank her forward.
“I’m sorry, Mia,” I murmur against her hair.
She pulls back from me, and I see a few tears trickle down her face. I bring my hands up to frame her face and wipe them away.
“Please, Mac, please stop blaming yourself. You didn’t ask for it to happen. You didn’t want it to happen. I know you feel guilt, but you need to let it go. I know how it feels to be helpless.I know, Mac. When that guy had me in that closet, I tried so damn hard to getmy body to work, but nothing helped. There was no way you could have stopped Tessa, even if you knew from the beginning it was her.”
I want so badly to believe her. I know she no longer blames me, but it just feels like I didn’t try hard enough. That there was something I could have done to stop it. I don’t tell her that though, because I know she hurts because of the guilt I feel. She truly is a very special person and doesn’t deserve any more pain.
I bend my head and kiss her gently. I taste the salt of her tears on my lips, and the pain in my chest intensifies a little. I swear to myself that I will never again be the cause of her tears, unless they are happy ones. Happy tears are perfectly fine with me.
We pull apart, and the world around us that faded away at our heart to heart comes crashing back with loud music and laughter. I look around to see if anyone witnessed our discussion, but again, everyone else is occupied with something else.
Mia and I walk over to the bar. I lift the partition for her, but before she can walk behind the counter, I stop her, lift her wrist, and kiss the inside. She graces me with a smile, and she goes behind the counter. The place isn’t that busy, but I know she still needs to get back to work. I take a seat on one of the stools and silently watch her. T is with Bailey and Amari until Mia gets off work. I’m assuming Jaxon asked Bailey if she would watch him so I could come in with Mia to have our talk. Since I don’t have to worry about T, I decide to stay until the end of Mia’s shift.
Jaxon comes back out to the bar and steps behind the counter with Mia. I guess Chris has already left for the night, because she’s nowhere to be found. When Mia spots Jaxon, she gives him a dirty look. Jaxon walks up to her and pulls her unwilling body into his arms. I see him murmur something in her ear and watch as her body relaxes. She kisses his cheek and pulls back from him. They speak quietly for a few minutes, before Jaxon leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.
Everything is okay now. If only I could wipe the feeling away that warns me that something big is going to happen.
25
Mia
Her kindness…
LOADED UP WITH the grill, a cooler full of drinks, and lunch supplies in the back of the truck, we head toward the lake at the back of Jaxon’s property. It’s been a couple years since we’ve all gotten together like this, just us adults. At least for me anyway. In the past, I would always bow out if I knew Mac was going to be there. Being around him more than I needed to be was something I was not willing to do. It would bring back the bittersweet memories of our past and would either piss me off or make me want to cry all over again. I avoided him like the plague, if at all possible. Now though, I’m looking forward to this get-together.
Trent and Amari are at my mom’s house. I felt bad for leaving him behind but knew that this was not a family get-together type of barbeque. Mac promised him we would take him swimming this weekend. He was fine with staying with my mom.
Mac reaches across the cab, unbuckles my belt, and slides his arm around me to tug me over so I’m in the middle of the benchseat. Once I’m situated with my seat belt back on, he puts his hand on my thigh. I lean over to him and kiss his neck. Just a peck, but enough to have Mac squeeze my thigh in warning.
“I heard from my mom. I meant to tell you last night. They’re making a trip up next weekend,” Mac tells me.
I’m still a little undecided on how I feel about seeing his parents again after all these years. Mac says they understand my neglect of them and that everything will be okay and they’ll welcome me back with open arms, but I’m still doubtful. What I did to them was shitty. They aren’t the ones who hurt me, but I treated them as such. It was just too painful to see them. That, and I feared running into Mac if I did go over to his house. I also think about how I treated Mac when he needed me the most. Will they blame me for not being there for him? I just hope Mac’s right and they forgive me.
