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“Hey! It wasn’t my fault. Your cat scared the shit out of me!”
We both laugh at the memory of being in the basement making out on the couch when the lights went off. We got up to go upstairs to find a flashlight. It was pitch black and we couldn’t see a thing. The basement was already spooky, and with the lights off it was ten times worse. I made him let me go first and trail directly behind me. We were only up a few stairs when his stupid cat decided to sneak his paws through the stairs and playfootsie with me. I shrieked and jumped, which caused me to bump into Mac. I tried catching myself, but because I couldn’t see, I caused both of us to tumble down the stairs. Luckily neither one of us was hurt, except for a small bump on Mac’s head and a tiny bruise on my knee. Mac always made sure there was an easily accessible flashlight in the basement from that moment on.
Our chuckles die down. I drink the rest of my beer and set the bottle on the counter.
“Another?” Mac asks.
I shake my head and tell him, “Can we just get this over with?”
Nodding, Mac finishes off his beer and grabs another one.
“Let’s move to the living room,” he says, before walking out of the kitchen.
I take a seat on one end of the couch. Mac takes the other end, as if he knows I need my distance. He sits on the edge and puts his elbows on his knees with the beer bottle hanging from both hands between his legs. He doesn’t say anything at first, just stares off into space. He’s making me nervous and it’s pissing me off. He practically begged me to listen to him and now that I’m here he doesn’t say anything. Just before I turn to face him and tell him to get on with it, he starts talking.
“As we both know, that night, your birthday, was supposed to be the night we were going to make love for the first time. It was a night I had been dreaming about since the day you kissed me at the lake.” He doesn’t look at me when he talks, just keeps looking forward, like he’s stuck in a memory. “I didn’t want it to happen there at Mark’s house. I had rented us a room at the bed-and-breakfast. I wanted it to be special. I had candles spread all over the room and rose petals on the bed. I was going to take you there after we hung out at the party for a little while. I wanted you to enjoy hanging out with your friends before I had you all to myself.”
He stops talking long enough to take a swallow of his beer. I had no idea he did all that. I had just assumed we would have sex at Mark’s, in one of the rooms upstairs. We had never spoken ofthe how or where, just of the when. It warms my heart, knowing he wanted it to be special.
“Somehow or another we got separated. We had both been drinking but I made sure only to have two beers because I knew I had to drive us to the bed-and-breakfast. I started feeling weird, like I had drunk way more than what I actually did. I went looking for you so we could leave. Someone, I can’t even remember who, told me that you asked them to tell me that you would be waiting in a room upstairs. I went up to get you. I was stumbling and couldn’t keep my focus. When I made it to the only room that wasn’t occupied, I went inside. It was dark, only lit by a couple of candles. When I flipped the switch to turn the light on, it didn’t work. Through the dim candlelight, I could tell someone was on the bed. I stepped farther in the room when I realized it was you.”
He looks over at me when he says that and his words cause me to suck in a breath. I know what he saw wasn’t true. I was still downstairs hanging out with Andrew. Why in the fuck would he think it was me?
Before I get a chance to ask, he continues, “She had on the same bra-and-panties set I’d seen you wear before. Her hair was the same color as yours. In my woozy and fucked-up mind, it was you, Mia. She even smelled like you.”
I am absolutely speechless. How in the hell is it possible that Tessa was able to pull that off? Her hair is blonde to my black. The chance of her owning the same bra-and-panties set is highly unlikely.
Shit!A memory hits me and it has me clenching my jaw.That bitch!
I look at Mac and see him watching me warily, unsure of my reaction to his story so far.
“One week before my birthday, I was getting dressed after gym, and I couldn’t find my bra and panties. It was really strange, but then I thought someone had somehow picked them up with the towels and put them in the laundry by mistake. I never did endup finding them.”
My blood is boiling. That cunt took my panties and used them. That’s so gross and fucked-up on so many levels. I’d like nothing more than to hunt her down and beat the living shit out of her. I knew she was conniving, but I didn’t realize she would stoop to such a low level. Before I get a chance to voice my opinion, Mac continues.
“Even through the fog, I was still determined to take you to the bed-and-breakfast. Our first time wasn’t going to be at a party. The longer I stood there staring at you, the more messed-up my mind got. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t seem to get my bearings. It kept getting worse and worse. I started to realize I couldn’t drive so I was going to call a cab.
“I walked over to the bed and called your name. You didn’t answer, just got up and crawled to the edge of the bed where I was standing. I was swaying badly and was getting pretty tired at that point. I could barely keep my eyes open. You started putting your hands on me, and it felt so damn good. I tried pushing you away, to explain my plans, but you just kept fucking touching me.”
Mac puts his beer down on the coffee table with a loud bang and gets up. He rakes his fingers through his hair and starts pacing the room. I feel sick to my stomach the more he talks. To hear him talk about Tessa touching him, even when he thought it was me, claws at my insides. I want to tell him to shut up, that I can’t take any more, but Ineedhim to continue. I need to know the rest, even if it does destroy me in the process.
“I knew something wasn’t right. Your hands weren’t as soft or as tender. Your hair was the same color but the texture felt different. No matter how hard I tried shaking off the effects of the alcohol, I couldn’t. It was as if I were floating outside my body. My mind was screaming at me to stop it, but my body was incapable of following through. You pushed me down on the bed and started removing my clothes. You put your mouth on me—”
“Stop!” I say harshly, not able to handle the thought of that nasty bitch’s mouth on him. It was not me doing these things to him and I hate that he is referring to that whore as me. Bile rises inmy throat and I have to force the nasty taste from my mouth. “Stop saying ‘you.’ It was not me doing those things!”
Mac whips around at my harsh command, and I see the torment in his eyes. His hands are drawn into fists at his sides and his breathing has become heavier. My breathing isn’t much better.
He walks up to me and pushes the coffee table back so he can kneel in front of me. Down on his knees, with both his legs on either side of mine so he can get as close as possible, he takes my tightly clenched hands.
“Okay. I’ll skip all the gory details, but please let me finish, Mia. I need you to know what happened wasn’t something I wanted,” he says solemnly.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a minute before opening them and nodding. As much as it hurts, I need him to continue as well.
Still kneeling before me and keeping my hands in his, he starts talking again.
“At that point I’d lost all reason. All I had thought about for years was finally taking you and the sensations were overwhelming. I stopped fighting and let her do what she wanted. I tried participating but my limbs were too heavy. I could barely move. I still couldn’t figure out why my brain wasn’t working properly. I had drunk beer plenty of times before but it had never affected me like that. Eventually, I didn’t care. She climbed on top of me and I knew the minute she did, something was way off. I think I blacked out at one point, because the next thing I knew you were walking in with her still on top of me. Even though I was still fucked-up, I knew immediately that something was wrong. How in the fuck could you be on top of me and be at the door at the same time? Using the light from the hallway once you opened the door, I looked to the person hovering above me, and through blurred vision, I saw Tessa. The last thing I remember until morning is you screaming, throwing Tessa off, and leaning over the side of the bed throwing up.”
Mac drops his head onto my lap. I don’t know what to think or feel. I feel numb. I don’t know if I’m capable of feeling anythingright now. I think I’ve always known in my heart that something wasn’t quite right about that night. I’ve always known that Mac loved me, and I believe he honestly wanted for both of us to be our firsts. I just couldn’t figure out why or how he could so carelessly give himself to someone else. It never made sense. I was so hurt by his actions that I just wanted to forget it ever happened. I never took the time to try to rationalize thewhys. Hell, to be honest, I didn’t really care why. I just knew it happened and there was no excuse for it. I still don’t know if it makes a difference. I know Mac was drugged and there was nothing he could do, he was without a doubt raped, but I also know I’ll never get the vision of a naked Tessa on top of an equally naked Mac out of my head. I remember the smirk she gave me when I was standing there staring at them with my heart laid out bleeding on the floor. I wanted to grip her by her hair and yank her off him. But I knew it wouldn’t do any good. She had already won. Instead, I screamed to the top of my lungs, turned on my heel, and ran.
