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For some asinine reason, she tried blaming herself for what happened. She said that if it wasn’t for her giving him up as a baby and him being raised how he was, then he wouldn’t have held such a grudge against me. I shut that shit down real quick.
“Mom, this is in no way your fault,” I say, holding her by the shoulders and making her look at me. “Yes, it’s terrible he grew up the way he did, but you couldn’t have known. Even if you did try to find him, there’s no way to know if you would have been successful. Shady made the choice to be like he is. Kids in abusive families have been known to grown up to be kind, successful, compassionate people. It’s up to them whether they want to be different from their parents.”
She looks from me to Mia, pain still evident in her eyes. Mia sees it and tries reassuring my mom as well. She reaches her hand out for my mom to take. “Maryann, you can’t blame yourself for this. I think Tessa’s obsession with Mac fueled Shady’s hatred. He saw his opportunity when we were younger to take his revenge. He knew how much Mac loved me, and I think he felt it was enough totake that happiness away from him. When Tessa told him she saw us getting close again, I think it brought it back. That’s the only explanation for why he never tried anything else in the past. Tessa used that against Shady, knowing what buttons to push.”
I love Mia with every ounce of my being. I never thought I could love her any more than what I already did, but what she says to my mom, trying to get her to let go of a guilt she shouldn’t feel, makes me love her even more.
Mia pulls her into her arms, and my mom cries against her shoulder. I just hope what we both said helps.
Even though it hurt to say it, and I secretly hope that my mom refuses, I tell her that I would understand if she wants to visit Shady. He is, after all, her oldest son.
With tears in her eyes, she tells me, “I’d like to go see him once. Just to explain things to him. After that, no. As much as it hurts to know that he had such a bad childhood, I can’t get over the fact that he hurt you both. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over that.”
I nod in understanding, praying that Shady doesn’t make this harder on her. I have a feeling it’s a wasted prayer though. I remember the way Shady acted when he spoke about our mom. I also have the feeling that when I find out he was an asshole to her, I’ll have to force myself not to go after him.
A FEW DAYS LATER, we’re at the lake watching T swim. We showed him the swing, and he’s been at it ever since. I swear the damn kid was raised as an otter. He’d stay in the water all day if we let him. Mia and I both laugh where we sit on a blanket as T yells while doing a cannonball in the water.
My parents decided to stay a couple of weeks, instead of the few days they had originally planned. They’re at the house cooking dinner. We invited them along, but they both said they wanted to give us family time.
After talking to Mia, I decided to wait on telling T about Shady. The only people who know the truth are either in jail or are trusted family and friends. The truth coming out shouldn’t be an issue. We do plan on telling him, just not until he’s older and can understand better. We did tell him that his mom is in jail though. We didn’t give him the details, just that she did something bad. He took it well enough. Of course he was hurt, but he didn’t act too surprised, which pisses me off because that means the situation was more dire at home than I thought. No kid should be unaffected when they find out a parent is in jail.
Unfortunately, Shady woke up yesterday in the hospital, with no signs of brain damage. It may be wrong of me to wish he’d died in that hospital bed, but I don’t give a shit. You go through something like what Mia and I did, and you’d wish the same thing. I don’t care who you are. Shady will be in the hospital for a few more days, and then he’ll be released into police custody. Tessa is already there.
I’m sitting with my back against a tree with Mia between my legs. I have one of my arms wrapped around her waist and my other one wrapped around her neck with my hand on her opposite shoulder. She has her hands on my thighs, playing with the loose threads in the holes in my jeans.
I snuggle against her neck and nip her ear when I whisper, “I love you, Pix.”
A low moan leaves her lips, and she tips her head to the side. “Love you, too, Sheriff.”
I’ll never get tired of hearing her say that. For years, I thought I would never hear those words again, and now that I have, I know I can’t live without them. I’ll do anything I can, be anything I need to be, to ensure she loves me until her dying breath.
“You know I’m going to marry you, right?” I whisper in her ear.
A surprised laugh escapes her before she says cheekily, “Well, maybe. Depends on if you ask nicely or not.”
I run my nose up her neck and take a nibble. Using my arm around her neck, I pull her back farther against me. “There’s nomaybe about it. Now that I have you, I’m never letting you go. Come hell or high water, you’ll be mine in every way possible.”
“Mmm… hmm…” She moans again. The sound has my dick hardening against her back. She wiggles a little when she feels it, causing me to grit my teeth.
Fuck! I need her.Too damn bad I can’t do anything about it right now.
She pushes my arms away from her and then turns around so she’s straddling me. I keep T in my peripheral vision, but look at Mia when she talks.
Leaning close, she says, “I want that more than anything, Mac. It’s all I ever wanted. You to be mine, and me to be yours. You were always my dream as a girl, and I didn’t realize it at the time, but you were my dream as a woman as well. I tried so hard for years to hate you, but I always knew deep down inside that I couldn’t. Even when I thought you betrayed me, I still loved you. I couldn’t admit it, hell, I don’t even think I knew it, but that love was still there, stronger than ever.” Cupping my face with her hands, she places a tender kiss on my lips before pulling back and finishing. “I would be honored and so very lucky to be your wife.”
I snatch her to me and give her a more demanding kiss. I pull back way to soon because we need to keep an eye on T.
“You’ve always been my dream too, Mia. From the time you kissed me by the lake that day, I knew you’d be mine forever. Even before that, I already had plans for us. I was just waiting for the right time. I guess you decided that day was the right time.” She laughs softly at that.
“I was so nervous. You have no idea how badly I was shaking.”
I gently swipe my finger across her cheek. “Oh, I felt you shaking, and it made me love you and want you even more. You took the courage, thought I was worth the chance, and I’ll thank God every day that you did.”
Still straddling me, she leans down and rests her head on my chest and murmurs, “Me too, Mac.”
I kiss the top of her head and look out over the water. T is stilldoing cannonballs off the cliff. I look over to the left and see the old wooden dock. This place will always hold a special meaning for me. It was where my life really began. Mia was my beginning. My life before her wasn’t bad, in fact, it was pretty damn good, but it wasn’t until Mia, and then T, that I really felt my heart beat. She and T were, still are, and always will be my reason for being.
Epilogue
