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“Did I hurt you?” heasked timidly.
I shook my head as Ilooked up at him. I gasped around a sob as I opened my mouth tospeak.
“I-I’m sorry,” Imanaged in a broken voice.
His eyes softenedbefore he kissed me tenderly. “Oh, baby, it’s okay. Don’t cry. Ican’t take it when you cry. It kills me,” he begged as he brushedmy tears away.
I broke then. Icried softly as he coddled me. I let him pick me up and take me tomy bedroom. I didn’t fight him as he laid us both down on my unmadebed. I didn’t argue as he soothed me softly until my tears ran dry.I trusted him enough to allow myself to find comfort in hisarms.
Chapter Twenty
We’d spent longhours worshiping each other, finding our bliss in one another’sbodies. I’m not a religious person, but I think I could see thedivine when Damon looked at me.
When we were sated,he leaned against my plush headboard and dragged me to his chest.We lay like that in peaceful silence for a long time. My frontpressed to his side with his arm around my back, dragging hisfingers up and down my exposed skin in long motions. The sheetslung low on our hips, leaving our torsos naked to the other’sview. My thigh settled on his lower stomach, above his manhood, andmy cheek rested soundly against his big chest. The steady beat ofhis heart lulled me into a soothing trance.
My fingers played inthe soft speckling of hair that scattered across his chest andabdomen. I relished in my lazy motions, trailing all the peaks anddivots of his defined muscles. I traced my fingers around hisnipples just to watch them tighten. I couldn’t keep the grin frommy lips when he would flex against me and tighten his grip on myhip, silently letting me know I was tickling him. I reveled in theway he had thickened under the sheet from my ministrations.
I realized thathaving Damon show up at my house was probably the best way thiscould have happened. I knew myself well enough to know that I wouldhave never gone to him. Sure, I had told Kate that I would tryagain with him, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. I would’ve chosen thepath of least resistance.
The way he assertedhimself may have been abrasive, but it was effective. Maybe allthis time, all I’d needed was a man who wasn’t afraid to piss meoff. Someone who didn’t scare easily.
I smiled to myselfthinking of going toe-to-toe with someone with an equallydominating personality. It was almost perverted how much I secretlyenjoyed it when he didn’t back down from me.
The longer I laywith my head on his chest the more I thought about this morningafter my dream. I winced at the memory. The whole situation couldhave been handled better on my part.
I wasn’t used toletting people in, but that was no excuse not to talk about my pastwith someone that cared about me. And it was obvious that Damoncared about me, otherwise, why would he stick around and put upwith my shit? Kate was right, what worked for me in the past wasn’tworking any longer. My methods of coping needed to change.Ineeded to change.
So, I took a deepbreath, held it for a moment, and released it in a rush before Irelived my worst nightmare.
“His name was JasonHenderson,” I confessed.
Damon stilledagainst me as if he was afraid to move or I would stop speaking. Hewasn’t wrong in that assumption.
I closed my eyes asI placed my hand flat along his abdomen before speaking again.
“It happened sixteenyears ago at college. My roommate and I went to a party at his frathouse, but I’d known him for longer than that.” My hushed voiceflowed through the otherwise quiet room as I steeled myself toshare the details of my sordid past with the only man I had everdesired.
I squirmed againsthim, unable to stay still any longer. I rolled and placed my backto his side. My head still lay against his chest but now his armwas around my shoulders. I grabbed his big hand and played with hisfingers. Tracing his calluses.
“He had hit on memonths before this happened. I turned him down and it must havemade him livid, though he never showed how angry he was at thetime.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat before I continued.“Looking back, I can see that he used that time to try to become myfriend as an opportunity to plot how he would get what he wanted.”My chest jerked as my huff of a laugh left my body.
I tried to take abreath but it came in and out as a shaky mess. I focused on Damon’shand in mine as I continued.
“When his advancestoward me failed, he drugged me the night of the party with thedate rape drug,” I blurted. Damon’s hand twitched in mine and Iheard his breathing pick up a notch.
“Normally, whenyou’re dosed with Rohypnol you’re supposed to go into an almosttrance-like state. Most people don’t remember anything that happensto them when they’re given the drug. They wake up the next morningwith a killer hangover and memory loss,” I stated in a monotonevoice as my vision zoned out. “But I remember everything,” Iwhispered.
My next words cameout of me almost like word vomit. I couldn’t stop them from spewingout as if I was reliving the experience.
“I drank too muchand I experimented with drugs I’d never done before that night. Iremember dancing and feeling Jason behind me as he helped me finishthe last of my mixed drink. He’d made it for me, so I’m sure that’swhen he slipped me the drug. One minute I was on the dance floorand the next he was pushing me up the stairs to his bedroom.”
“Jill,” Damon’sragged voice tried to break through my fog.
“When he finally hadme behind locked doors, his hands were everywhere and I couldn’tstop him. My arms and legs wouldn’t work. I could hardly talk. WhenI tried to scream for help he covered my mouth and nose. I couldn’tbreathe,” I choked.
“Jill, stop,” Damongruffly ordered as he moved.
“He held my handsabove my head like I would try to fight back. I would have if Icould’ve used my arms.” My voice quivered as my body shook. “Helifted my dress and looked at me with such hatred. What did I dothat made him hate me so much?” I whispered.
