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I ignored him and turned around. My clothes were soaked in blood from his hands. I needed to get undressed and wash myself. I felt so dirty.
“Grace, talk to me,” Silas tried again.
I didn’t turn around. “Is that a command?” I asked in a cold voice.
Silas paused. “What do you mean?” He asked after a moment.
“I’m asking if I have to talk to you,” I said. “Our marriage pact was sealed solely with the promise of me giving you my ruby blood. As long as I keep that part of the deal, I don’t have to talk to you or be intimate with you anymore, right?”
“But… I really didn’t mean to scare you. I was only doing everything in my power to protect you,” he said. I could sense from his voice how lost he felt.
I steeled my heart. I wouldn’t pity Silas. He was the one who had shown me a false image of himself all this time. He had made me believe him to be someone he was not.
It hurt me to let go of the hope that I had married a kind man. I should have known better.
“Don’t put the blame for your actions on me,” I huffed.
“I’m not-”
I interrupted him. “I didn’t make you kill people in cold blood. That choice was all you. You’re a monster.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. It hurt me to call him a monster. It pained me to believe he was one. I didn’t want to know the real Silas now, the violent brute. I wished to still believe his true nature was the wonderful man who had held me in his arms.
Yet all those experiences had clearly been a lie.
Silence fell between us. When I didn’t hear him move for a while, I wiped away my tears, made my expression blank and finally turned around to face him.
I saw Silas standing by the entrance to the tent with a pained expression on his face. I’d never seen him look so hurt before. He was someone who could control his emotions well,but here he was in front of me, his heart completely bared and obviously broken.
I felt his pain as if it were my own. I didn’t want to have pity for him, but my heart ached regardless.
A few heartbeats later, Silas’ expression closed. When he spoke his tone was cold and emotionless, like the killer society said he was. “You’re right. You don’t owe me anything but your blood. And I fed on you a few days ago, so I don’t need to be around you for another two weeks.”
I nodded, biting my lip. “I’ll be ready for you to drink my blood again when the time comes.” My voice shook slightly towards the end. I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.
The sweet intimacy that I’d had with my husband would be no more from now on. I would never again feel perfect pleasure at being in his arms. The act of feeding would be just him taking blood from my vein. I hoped I wouldn’t become aroused or orgasm under those circumstances – either outcome would be awkward.
I had pushed Silas away as much as I could, and from the look on his face I had succeeded at dividing us.
Yet, part of me still really wanted to reach out to him; to embrace him, to take away his hurt.
No, I had to put a lid on those feelings. The man I had longed for was just a fabrication after all.
I had at least wanted a harmonious marriage, but that future would be impossible too now.
I felt so many doors closing for me; so many needs and wishes of mine would go unfulfilled from now on.
At least I wouldn’t be living a lie.
Small comfort, that was.
Silas nodded. “If that’s everything, I’ll take my leave.”
I clenched my fists to keep myself from reaching out to him. I bit my lip to keep myself from calling his name and asking him to wait.
He turned around and walked out of the tent, the flap closing behind him.
Only then did I allow myself to fall on my knees. I put my face in my hands. A powerful wail escaped my lips. I sobbed, my body shaking.
