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“A little,” she admitted. “I just think that everyone worries too much about me.”
“Do you feel guilty that they worry?”
“No, I just… I mean, it’s my business, right? Like, I know they’re concerned, but I should be allowed to decide for myself the kind of help I need.”
“What kind of help do you think you need?”
“Nothing. No offense, but I really don’t think I need this. I mean, I used to have nightmares and stuff, but I don’t really have them anymore. I put West in prison once and for all, and I’ve been the most successful agent in the Bureau over the past two and a half years. Me and my partner, that is. I’m fine. Really.”
Dr. Perth nodded. “How do you feel?”
Faith blinked. The question was both a change of subject and broad as hell. “How do I feel about what?”
“In general. How do you feel?”
She shrugged. “Fine. I mean, there are good days and bad days, but I’m fine.”
“What’s a good day?”
"When I see David. That's my boyfriend. When I solve a case. When Turk and I hang out without work hanging over our heads. When I have dinner with Michael and Ellie doesn't look at me like I'm a vicious skank who wants her dead and Michael in my bed."
“Michael is your partner?”
“Yes. And my best friend.”
“And you have a romantic history with him, correct?”
Faith felt a flicker of annoyance. If only she had never dated Michael. Everyone wanted to believe the two of them were still attracted to each other. “We dated for a year, but it wasn’t serious. I love David, and he loves Ellie. And Ellie’s not jealous anymore. That’s the point. She likes me now.”
Dr. Perth nodded. “And what’s a bad day?”
Faith’s smile faded. Images of dead bodies, taunting killers, and weeping loved ones flashed across her mind. Behind those images, looming over it all, were the twin smiles of Jethro Trammell and Franklin West.
“Losing people,” she replied. “Not solving a case in time and looking at the bodies of the people I couldn’t protect. Those are always hard days.”
Dr. Perth nodded again. That was going to be very annoying over time. “What are your hopes for the future?”
Faith chuckled. She didn't like the tense quality of her voice. "What am I doing, making a dating profile?"
Dr. Perth smiled, utterly unoffended.Thatwas going to be very annoying over time. Faith was sure that part of being atherapist meant taking nothing personally and divorcing one’s feelings from every session, but it just came across as smug to her. “No, but the general idea is the same. An online dating profile is designed to give people a snapshot of who you believe yourself to be. The questions I’m asking have a similar purpose. They’re designed to give me insight into who you see yourself as.”
“Are you insinuating that who I see myself as is not who I really am?” Faith challenged.
“Do you believe that’s what I’m doing?”
Faith took a breath to avoid snapping at the doctor. “I believe that you are doing your best to help me,” she replied, “but yes. I think that you believe that you know better than I do who I am and who I should be.”
“Then you have a misunderstanding of therapy,” Dr. Perth replied. “My purpose is to help you come to terms with the challenging aspects of your life, to find closure for your past and to commit yourself to your future. But I rely on you to tell me which aspects of your life are challenging as well as to tell me what closure means for you and what future you desire to commit to. Some of those things you’ll tell me explicitly. Others I’ll learn from observation.”
“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there,” Faith interrupted. “You don’t get to examine me like a zookeeper watching a monkey. If I tell you something, it’s the truth. If I don’t tell you something, it’s not important.”
“That is not true for you, me or anyone else,” Dr. Perth replied mildly.
Faith pressed her lips together. "All right, well, if you want me to cooperate, then you need to stop treating me like a case study. I get that you're doing your job, and I'm trying to be patient, but I'm done with the whole, 'look at this inkblot and tell me what you see' schtick."
Dr. Perth pursed her lips and leaned back in her chair, regarding Faith thoughtfully. After a moment, she said, “I can see that it will take time to build trust. That’s perfectly fine. However, I will kindly request that you answer my questions to the best of your ability and trust that I—as you put it—am committed to doing my job. We will both make mistakes along the way, but I am committed to working through those mistakes. Are you?”
Faith sighed in exasperation. “Honestly, doc, I’m committed to getting this over with. That’s the best I can give you right now.”
