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“Because you won’t just let me pull back and yet you question me. I can’t win with you.”
“You can. Let me help. Tell me what I need—”
She growls. “More implication that I’m not telling you everything. Really, Gabe?”
“No. Fuck. No. I’m just saying that—oh hell.” I kiss her again and she softens almost instantly. “I’ll stop talking.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” she says and her cellphone rings. “That’s going to be my mother. We have to go to the ranch. I need to help.”
“I know,” I say, but I don’t fucking want to let her go. I have this sense that she’s in trouble that she’s not fully sharing and Ihave never wanted and needed to protect anyone like I do this woman. “We’ll go help. We’ll talk when we get back to my place.” I kiss her again and release her, flipping off the light and pulling us back onto the road.
She answers her phone. “Yes, mom? Yes, we’re here. I’ll be right in. Yes, I’ll tend to Gabbie and the puppies.” They continue to talk.
I pull us down a dirt road as several cop cars pass us by, their lights off now. Their response still feels too wide and big to me. Or maybe it’s just Abbie’s ex that is making me feel that everything is too wide and big with him. There’s something bothering me. I never get these feelings and have them be wrong.
We pull up to the giant white house, alight with spotlights, the truck filled with dogs parked at the side of the house beside a giant white barn. I pull us to a spot by the front of the main house, and next to several other vehicles.
“Whatever you do,” I say, as I kill the engine, “don’t tell your mother about the lawsuit you got tonight. It’s fake. You don’t need to upset her.”
Abbie turns to me. “A lawsuit, or a trick that your father directed? I think you’re too close to this. You have to back off of this. I have to step back, too. We have to step back until this is over.” She opens the door and gets out.
I’m at the front of the car by the time she gets there, trying to escape. I pull her to me. “That’s not happening. I’m not backing off of this, and here’s what is going to happen: You’re going to tell me everything. I’m going to make this disappear. In between it all, we’ll spend lots of time naked and fucking like rabbits. If you want to argue about this, we’ll do it naked and fucking like rabbits.”
“We’ve been through this, Gabe. You don’t get to make my decisions for me.”
“Call it what you want, but I’m in this. It’s already personal to me and I won’t walk away. You’re personal to me. My fucking father coming after you is personal to me. And in case you don’t get it, he came at me with you. I’m protecting you. I’m shutting him down. If you don’t like it, I’m still in. So, you might as well go home with me and sleep naked with me.” I release her. “Now, let’s go take care of Gabbie.” I turn and start walking.
She rushes up beside me and then steps in front of me, her hands flattening on my chest. “You need something. I need to say something.”
Chapter thirty-five
Abbie
Istop Gabe’s progress, my hand flattening on the hard wall of his chest, desperation inside me that I can’t even explain, not here, not now. Maybe not ever. And so, I stand there, cold seeping into my bones from the winter evening, warmth replacing it as the heat of Gabe’s body and our connection rushes up my arm.
Gabe’s hands come down on mine, holding them in place. “What do you need to say to me, Abbie?”
“You’re an asshole.”
“And your point?”
“Don’t hurt me and don’t get hurt. That’s an order.”
“Abbie!”
At the sound of my mother’s voice, I say, “That’s an order,” again, and then turn away from him but he pulls me back around to face him.
“I will never hurt you, Abbie. You have my word and I take great pride in my word counting for something.” His voice is low, rough, affected.
“Sometimes people don’t mean to hurt each other. No one goes into a relationship, or no one normal, and intends to hurt the other person. Which of course, makes my command that you not hurt me ridiculous. So—just don’t get hurt. Don’t put yourself so in the middle of this and force a problem.” I laugh without humor. “Okay. Who am I kidding? After that conversation you had with Kenneth, you already did that so I’m back to you’re an asshole. Why did you have to do that?”
“Because you’re not in this alone and we’re not letting him win.” He walks me to him and kisses me. “Now let’s go take care of your mother and the animals.”
“My mother? You want to take care of my mother?”
“Yes. She’s not only your mother, but she’s someone helping these animals. I want to help her. I want to know you. I’m in this. Stop pushing me away. It won’t work.”
I’m far too pleased with all of his stubborn proclamations. I’m far too into this man for my own good, but I don’t think I can fight this anymore. I’m taking him with me, into the deep, dark river that swims with the monsters of my past and I’m praying he has a big enough sword to survive right alongside me. “Yes. Let’s go help my mother.”
